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Ashton unlocks the door to her condo in downtown San Diego. It's a one-bedroom, because she and Charlie can't afford anything bigger. Especiallywith a year's worth of law school debt that'll be hard to repay now thatAshton's graphic design business hasn't taken off and Charlie's decided tomake nature documentaries instead of being a lawyer.

But that's not what we're here to talk about.

Ashton brews coffee in her kitchen, which is tiny but cute: whitecabinets, glossy black granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, andretro light fixtures. "Where's Charlie?" I ask as she doctors mine withcream and sugar, pale and sweet the way I like it.

"Rock climbing," Ashton says, pressing her lips into a thin line as shehands me the mug. Charlie has lots of hobbies Ashton doesn't share, andthey're all expensive. "I'll call him about finding you a lawyer. Maybe oneof his old professors knows someone."

Ashton insisted on taking me to get something to eat after we left thepolice station, and I told her everything at the restaurant--well, almosteverything. The truth about Simon's rumor, anyway. She tried calling Momon the way here, but got voice mail and left a cryptic call-me-as-soon-as-you-get-this message.

Which Mom has ignored. Or not seen. Maybe I should give her thebenefit of the doubt.

We take our coffee to Ashton's balcony and settle ourselves into bright-red chairs on either side of a tiny table. I close my eyes and swallow amouthful of hot, sweet liquid, willing myself to relax. It doesn't work, but Ikeep sipping slowly until I'm done. Ashton pulls out her phone and leaves aterse message for Charlie, then tries our mother again. "Still voice mail,"she sighs, draining the last of her coffee.

"Nobody's home except us," I say, and for some reason that makes melaugh. A little hysterically. I might be losing it.

Ashton rests her elbows on the table and clasps her hands together underher chin. "Addy, you've got to tell Jake what happened.""Simon's update isn't live," I say weakly, but Ashton shakes her head."It'll get out. Maybe gossip, maybe the police talking to him to putpressure on you. But it's something you need to deal with in yourrelationship no matter what." She hesitates, tucking her hair behind herears. "Addy, is there some part of you that's been wanting Jake to find out?"Resentment surges through me. Ashton can't stop her anti-Jake crusadeeven in the middle of a crisis. "Why would I ever want that?""He calls the shots on everything, doesn't he? Maybe you got tired ofthat. I would."

"Right, because you're the relationship expert," I snap. "I haven't seenyou and Charlie together in over a month."

Ashton purses her lips. "This isn't about me. You need to tell Jake, andsoon. You don't want him to hear this from someone else."All the fight goes out of me, because I know she's right. Waiting willonly make things worse. And since Mom's not calling us back, I might aswell rip off the Band-Aid. "Will you take me to his house?"I have a bunch of texts from Jake anyway, asking how things went at thestation. I should probably be focusing on the whole criminal aspect of this,but as usual, my mind's consumed with Jake. I take out my phone, open mymessages, and text, Can I tell you in person?Jake responds right away. "Only Girl" blares, which seems inappropriatefor the conversation that's about to follow.

Of course.

I rinse out our mugs while Ashton collects her keys and purse. We stepinto the hallway and Ashton shuts the door behind us, tugging the knob tomake sure it's locked. I follow her to the elevator, my nerves buzzing. Ishouldn't have had that coffee. Even if it was mostly milk.

We're more than halfway to Bayview when Charlie calls. I try to tune outAshton's tense, clipped conversation, but it's impossible in such closequarters. "I'm not asking for me," she says at one point. "Can you be thebigger person for once?"

I scrunch in my seat and take out my phone, scrolling through messages.Keely's sent half a dozen texts about Halloween costumes, and Olivia'sagonizing about whether she should get back together with Luis. Again.Ashton finally hangs up and says with forced brightness, "Charlie's goingto make a few calls about a lawyer."

"Great. Tell him thanks." I feel like I should say more, but I'm not surewhat, and we lapse into silence. Still, I'd rather spend hours in my sister'squiet car than five minutes in Jake's house, which looms in front of us alltoo quickly. "I'm not sure how long this will take," I tell Ashton as she pullsinto the driveway. "And I might need a ride home." Nausea rolls throughmy stomach. If I hadn't done what I did with TJ, Jake would insist on beinga part of whatever comes next. The whole situation would still be terrifying,but I wouldn't have to face it on my own.

"I'll be at the Starbucks on Clarendon Street," Ashton says as I climb outof the car. "Text me when you're done."

I feel sorry, then, for snapping at her and goading her about Charlie. Ifshe hadn't picked me up from the police station, I don't know what I wouldhave done. But she backs out of the driveway before I can say anything, andI start my slow march to Jake's front door.

His mom answers when I ring the bell, smiling so normally that I almostthink everything's going to be okay. I've always liked Mrs. Riordan. Sheused to be a hotshot advertising executive till right before Jake started highschool, when she decided to downshift and focus on her family. I think mymother secretly wishes she were Mrs. Riordan, with a glamorous career shedoesn't have to do anymore and a handsome, successful husband.

Mr. Riordan can be intimidating, though. He's a my-way-or-nothing sortof man. Whenever I mention that, Ashton starts muttering about apples notfalling far from trees.

"Hi, Addy. I'm on my way out, but Jake's waiting for you downstairs.""Thanks," I say, stepping past her into the foyer.

I can hear her lock the door behind her and her car door slam as I take thestairs down to Jake. The Riordans have a finished basement that's basicallyJake's domain. It's huge, and they have a pool table and a giant TV and lotsof overstuffed chairs and couches down there, so our friends hang out heremore than anywhere else. As usual, Jake is sprawled on the biggest couchwith an Xbox controller in hand.

"Hey, baby." He pauses the game and sits up when he sees me. "How'deverything go?"

"Not good," I say, and start shaking all over. Jake's face is full of concernI don't deserve. He gets to his feet, trying to pull me down next to him, but Iresist for once. I take a seat in the armchair beside the couch. "I think Ishould sit over here while I tell you this."

A frown creases Jake's forehead. He sits back down, on the edge of thecouch this time, his elbows resting on his knees as he gazes at me intently."You're scaring me, Ads."

"It's been a scary day," I say, twisting a strand of hair around my finger.My throat feels as dry as dust. "The detective wanted to talk to me becauseshe thinks I ... She thinks all of us who were in detention with Simon thatday ... killed him. They think we deliberately put peanut oil in his water sohe'd die." It occurs to me as the words slip out that maybe I wasn'tsupposed to talk about this part. But I'm used to telling Jake everything.Jake stares at me, blinks, and barks out a short laugh. "Jesus. That's notfunny, Addy." He almost never calls me by my actual name.

"I'm not joking. She thinks we did it because he was about to publish anupdate of About That featuring the four of us. Reporting awful things we'dnever want to get out." I'm tempted to tell him the other gossip first--See,I'm not the only horrible person!--but I don't. "There was something aboutme on there, something true, that I have to tell you. I should have told youwhen it happened but I was too scared." I stare at the floor, my eyesfocusing on a loose thread in the plush blue carpet. If I pulled it I bet thewhole section would unravel.

"Go on," Jake says. I can't read his tone at all.

God. How can my heart be hammering this hard and I still be alive? Itshould have burst out of my chest by now. "At the end of school last year,when you were in Cozumel with your parents, I ran into TJ at the beach. Wegot a bottle of rum and ended up getting really drunk. And I went to TJ'shouse and, um, I hooked up with him." Tears slide down my cheeks anddrip onto my collarbone.

"Hooked up how?" Jake asks flatly. I hesitate, wondering if there's anypossible way I can make this sound less awful than it is. But then Jakerepeats himself--"Hooked up how?"--so forcefully that the words springout of me.

"We slept together." I'm crying so hard I can barely get more words out."I'm sorry, Jake. I made a stupid, horrible mistake and I'm so, so sorry."Jake doesn't say anything for a minute, and when he speaks his voice isicy cold. "You're sorry, huh? That's great. That's all right, then. As long asyou're sorry."

"I really am," I start, but before I can continue he springs up and rams hisfist into the wall behind him. I can't help the startled cry that escapes me.The plaster cracks, raining white dust across the blue rug. Jake shakes hisfist and hits the wall harder.

"Fuck, Addy. You screw my friend months ago, you've been lying to meever since, and you're sorry? What the hell is wrong with you? I treat youlike a queen."

"I know," I sob, staring at the bloody smears his knuckles left on thewall.

"You let me hang out with a guy who's laughing his ass off behind myback while you jump out of his bed and into mine like nothing happened.Pretending you give a shit about me." Jake almost never swears in mypresence, or if he does, he apologizes afterward.

"I do! Jake, I love you. I've always loved you, since the first time I sawyou."

"So why'd you do it? Why?"

I've asked myself that question for months and can't come up withanything except weak excuses. I was drunk, I was stupid, I was insecure. Iguess that last one's closest to the truth; years of being not enough finallycatching up with me. "I made a mistake. I'd do anything to fix it. If I couldtake it back I would."

"But you can't, can you?" Jake asks. He's silent for a minute, breathinghard. I don't dare say another word. "Look at me." I keep my head in myhands as long as I can. "Look at me, Addy. You fucking owe me that."So I do, but I wish I hadn't. His face--that beautiful face I've loved sincebefore it ever looked as good as it does now--is twisted with rage. "Youruined everything. You know that, right?"

"I know." It comes out as a moan, like I'm a trapped animal. If I couldgnaw my own limb off to escape this situation, I would.

"Get out. Get the hell out of my house. I can't stand the sight of you."I'm not sure how I manage to get up the stairs, never mind out the door.Once I'm in the driveway I scramble through my bag trying to find myphone. There's no way I can stand in Jake's driveway sobbing while I waitfor Ashton. I need to walk to Clarendon Street and find her. Then a caracross the street beeps softly, and through a haze of tears I watch my sisterlower her window.

Her mouth droops as I approach. "I thought it might go like this. Comeon, get in. Mom's waiting for us."

Part Two

H I D E -A N D -S E E K