Police cars line the front of Bayview High again. And Cooper's stumblingthrough the hall like he hasn't slept in days. It doesn't occur to me the twomight be related until he pulls me aside before first bell. "Can we talk?"I peer at him more closely, unease gnawing at my stomach. I've neverseen Cooper's eyes look bloodshot before. "Yeah, sure." I think he meanshere in the hallway, but to my surprise he leads me out the back staircaseinto the parking lot, where we lean against the wall next to the door. Whichmeans I'll be late for homeroom, I guess, but my attendance record isalready so bad another tardy won't make a difference. "What's up?"Cooper runs a hand through his sandy hair until it sticks straight up,which is not a thing I ever imagined Cooper's hair could do until just now."I think the police are here because of me. To ask questions about me. I just--wanted to tell somebody why before everything goes to hell.""Okay." I put a hand on his forearm, and tense in surprise when I feel itshaking. "Cooper, what's wrong?"
"So the thing is ..." He pauses, swallowing hard.
He looks like he's about to confess something. For a second Simonflashes through my mind: his collapse in detention and his red, gasping faceas he struggled to breathe. I can't help but flinch. Then I meet Cooper'seyes--filmy with tears, but as kind as ever--and I know that can't be it."The thing is what, Cooper? It's all right. You can tell me."Cooper stares at me, taking in the whole picture--messy hair that'sspiking oddly because I didn't take the time to blow-dry it, so-so skin fromall the stress, faded T-shirt featuring some band Ashton used to like,because we're seriously behind on laundry--before he replies, "I'm gay.""Oh." It doesn't register at first, and then it does. "Ohhh." The wholenot-into-Keely thing suddenly makes sense. It seems like I should say morethan that, so I add, "Cool." Inadequate response, I guess, but sincere.Because Cooper's pretty great except the way he's always been a littleremote. This explains a lot.
"Simon found out I'm seeing someone. A guy. He was gonna post it onAbout That with everyone else's entries. It got switched out and replacedwith a fake entry about me using steroids. I didn't switch it," he addshastily. "But they think I did. So they're looking into me hard-core now,which means the whole school will know pretty soon. I guess I wanted to... tell somebody myself."
"Cooper, no one will care--" I start, but he shakes his head.
"They will. You know they will," he says. I drop my eyes, because I can'tdeny it. "I've been hiding my head under a rock about this wholeinvestigation," he continues, his voice hoarse. "Hopin' they'd chalk it up toan accident because there's no real proof about anything. Now I keepthinking about what Maeve said about Simon the other day--how muchweird stuff was going on around him. You think there's anything to that?""Bronwyn does," I say. "She wants the four of us to get together andcompare notes. She says Nate will." Cooper nods distractedly, and it occursto me that since he's still in Jake's bubble most of the time, he's not fully upto speed on everything that's been going on. "Did you hear about Nate'smom, by the way? How she's, um, not dead after all?"I didn't think Cooper could get any paler, but he manages. "What?""Kind of a long story, but--yeah. Turns out she was a drug addict livingin some kind of commune, but she's back now. And sober, supposedly. Oh,and Bronwyn got called into the police station because of a creepy postSimon wrote about her sister sophomore year. Bronwyn told him to dropdead in the comments section, so ... you know. That looks kinda bad now.""The hell?" By the incredulous look on Cooper's face, I've managed todistract him from his problems. Then the late bell rings, and his shoulderssag. "We'd better go. But, yeah. If you guys get together, I'm in."The Bayview Police set themselves up in a conference room with a schoolliaison again, and start interviewing students one by one. At first things arekind of quiet, and when we get through the day without any rumors I'mhopeful that Cooper was wrong about his secret getting out. But bymidmorning on Tuesday, the whispers start. I don't know if it's the kind ofquestions the police were asking, or who they were talking to, or just a goodold-fashioned leak, but before lunch my ex-friend Olivia--who hasn'tspoken to me since Jake punched TJ--runs up to my locker and grabs myarm with a look of pure glee.
"Oh my God. Did you hear about Cooper?" Her eyes pop withexcitement as she lowers her voice to a piercing whisper. "Everyone'ssaying he's gay."
I pull away. If Olivia thinks I'm grateful to be included in the gossip mill,she's wrong. "Who cares?" I say flatly.
"Well, Keely does," Olivia giggles, tossing her hair over her shoulder."No wonder he wouldn't sleep with her! Are you headed to lunch now?""Yeah. With Bronwyn. See you." I slam my locker shut and spin on myheel before she can say anything else.
In the cafeteria, I collect my food and head for our usual table. Bronwynlooks pretty in a sweater-dress and boots, her hair loose around hershoulders. Her cheeks are so pink I wonder if she's wearing makeup for achange, but if she is it's really natural. She keeps looking at the door."Expecting someone?" I ask.
She turns redder. "Maybe."
I have a pretty good idea who she's waiting for. Probably not Cooper,although the rest of the room seems to be. When he steps into the cafeteriaeverything goes quiet, and then a low whispering buzz runs through theroom.
"Cooper Clay is Cooper GAY!" somebody calls out in a high, falsettovoice, and Cooper freezes in the door as something flies through the air andhits him across the chest. I recognize the blue packaging immediately:Trojan condoms. Jake's brand. Along with half the school, I guess. But itdid come from the direction of my old table.
"Doin' the butt, hey, pretty," somebody else sings, and laughter runsthrough the room. Some of it's mean but a lot of it's shocked and nervous.Most people look like they don't know what to do. I'm struck silent becauseCooper's face is the worst thing I've ever seen and I want, so badly, for thisto not be happening.
"Oh, for fuck's sake." It's Nate. He's in the entrance next to Cooper,which surprises me since I've never seen him in the cafeteria before. Therest of the room is equally taken aback, quieting enough that hiscontemptuous voice cuts across the whispers as he surveys the scene infront of him. "You losers seriously give a crap about this? Get a life."A girl's voice calls out "Boyfriend!" disguised with a fake cough.Vanessa smirks as everyone around her dissolves into the kind of laughterthat's been directed my way over the past month: half-guilty, half-gleeful,and all Thank God this is happening to you and not me. The only exceptionsare Keely, who's biting her lip and staring at the floor, and Luis, who's halfstanding with his forearms braced on the table. One of the lunch ladieshovers in the doorway between the kitchen and the cafeteria, seemingly tornbetween letting things play out and getting a teacher to intervene.Nate zeroes in on Vanessa's smug face without a trace of self-consciousness. "Really? You've got something to say? I don't even knowyour name and you tried to stick your hand down my pants the last time wewere at a party." More laughter, but this time it's not at Cooper's expense."In fact, if there's a guy at Bayview you haven't tried that with, I'd love tomeet him."
Vanessa's mouth hangs open as a hand shoots up from the middle of thecafeteria. "Me," calls a boy sitting at the computer-nerd table. His friendsall laugh nervously as the pulsing attention of the room--seriously, it's likea wave moving from one target to the next--focuses on them. Nate giveshim a thumbs-up and looks back at Vanessa.
"There you go. Try to make that happen and shut the hell up." He crossesto our table and dumps his backpack next to Bronwyn. She stands up, windsher arms around his neck, and kisses him like they're alone while the entirecafeteria erupts into gasps and catcalls. I stare as much as everyone else. Imean, I kind of guessed, but this is pretty public. I'm not sure if Bronwyn'strying to distract everyone from Cooper or if she couldn't help herself.Maybe both.
Either way, Cooper's effectively been forgotten. He's motionless at theentrance until I grab his arm. "Come sit. The whole murder club at onetable. They can stare at all of us together."Cooper follows me, not bothering to get any food. We settle ourselves atthe table and awkward silence descends until someone else approaches:Luis with his tray in hand, lowering himself into the last empty chair at ourtable.
"That was bullshit," he fumes, looking at the empty space in front ofCooper. "Aren't you gonna eat?"
"I'm not hungry," Cooper says shortly.
"You should eat something." Luis grabs the only untouched food item onhis tray and holds it out. "Here, have a banana."Everyone freezes for a second; then we all burst out laughing at the sametime. Including Cooper, who rests his chin in his palm and massages histemple with his other hand.
"I'll pass," he says.
I've never seen Luis so red. "Why couldn't it have been apple day?" hemutters, and Cooper gives him a tired smile.
You find out who your real friends are when stuff like this happens.Turns out I didn't have any, but I'm glad Cooper does.