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Where should we go? What should we do? What should I wear? I'm notgoing to be specific in terms of the place or activity. I want this book to beused no matter your personality, no matter your city, and no matter the timeof year. You will be asked out on various dates that cover a wide net ofcreativity. Be it a dinner, a play, drinks, fight party, bowling, movie, lunchpicnic, etc... I want you to understand that it doesn't matter the backdrop,the actual conversation is what defines the success of a first date. In aperfect world, your first date should be a dinner date, some place quietwhere you can use that corner booth or table as if it is a police interrogationroom. You won't get the full truth from a man on the first date, but you willget glimpses of the real him if you are smart enough to push beyond thejokes, the work talk, and those bias stories that make him out to be Batman,cool & mysterious.

The mission of a first date is to hear this man out in order to seewhere he's coming from with his sales pitch. Is he trying hard to impressyou, or is he half-assing because he thinks he has already won? Is he tryingtoo hard to seem perfect, or is he being a real dude who can poke fun athimself? The best way to complete this mission is to look him in the eyewith your bullshit filter set to high. You can't do that in a crowded room,while a movie is playing in front of you, or on a group date. Keep in mindthat while a date is social and you will have fun, the primary focus as aSpartan is sport. The Arena has to benefit your mission or you risk spendinga night with a man whom you learn absolutely nothing about, just reactingto the external events of the date.

Where should you go? Out where at least half of the date allows forprivate conversation. You can agree to Go Karting if you want to, but makesure that before or after that race there is someplace, not at his home or yourhome, where you can talk. The same rules apply to a movie date. Find timeto get in conversation; don't be cool with sitting in the dark and holdinghands. What should you do? I understand that women love to plan andprepare, but push the pressure of coming up with a good date night out ofyour head. Your presence makes it a good date. All the romance andelegance should be left up to him. If you are dealing with a man that wantsyou to make all the choices, Yelp search a romantic restaurant in the area,decide on the one with the best ambiance, and wash your hands with anybig decisions. This isn't your friend from out of town who you need toshow a good time. The first date is his interview, not your interview. ASpartan doesn't need to perform like a monkey in order to get a man to takeher out again. You aren't even worried about going out again at this point;he still has to prove that he's compatible by passing this first test. ThisBasica once told me, "I don't want to go out and sit in front of him, won'the find that boring?" The reason she said that was because she was boringand scared of being exposed as such. This is a battle of the mind, a dance ofwits, one long conversation that will reveal nearly everything you need toknow about this man. Insecure women prefer the distraction of a movie, thecover of a double date, or the filler of a physical activity because she canget by with laughs and chitchat. This is Sparta; you want to strip away thediversions so you can get to know this man.

What should you wear? If you look good you feel good, correction,you already look good; now you feel even better because you get to expressyour personality through your style. Dressing for your date is extremelyimportant, not because you want that man to like you, or you want otherpeople to turn their heads when you walk by. Your outfit is your armor.Christians wear crosses to feel that holy protection. Ratchets wear fakeseptum rings to feel Cleopatra bomb. Spartans too need something externalto provide that extra confidence reminder. The right outfit creates a forcefield that no hater can burst, and even if nerves start to build, all you have todo is look in the mirror and be instantly reminded, "I'm bad as fuck!" It'snot enough to know that you're invincible, it also helps to physically see itevery time you sneak a look at your reflection. The outfit you choose willalso set the tone for the date. What color makes you feel good? What kindof shoe makes you feel tall? What message does your entire outfit send tothat man in terms of your confidence, sexuality, and style? You project howyou feel. If you feel unsure about what you're wearing, you will stumble, sodon't wait until the last minute to throw something together, embracedressing up like you're Vivian on Rodeo with Edward's credit card.Visualize the morning you wake up for that date; picture him and thenpicture yourself. He can have the fashion sense of Kanye West, but next toyou, he won't get any attention. How do you go about doing this? How canyou steal the show, while making it seem effortless as opposed to extra?Additionally, what can you wear that says who you are as an individual? Ialways laugh at this idea of women shopping at these super-secret boutiquesso they won't wear something another woman has on. It's not the dress; it'sthe woman in that dress that makes it special. Having style and beingdressed, aren't the same damn thing. Even in a Forever 21 off the rackpantsuit, how are you going to impose your style? Some of you get it;others are going to feel bad you're not stylish or fancy. You're missing thepoint. You don't need to be Anna Wintour you need to be yourself.No matter your budget, you can create a look that makes you feel likea goddess. If your brand is 80's rocker girl, even when rocking a little blackdress, throw some accessory on that says, Joan Jett. If your brand is goofygirl, don't try to hide that. Take that same black dress, and wear someLooney Tune Chucks. Yeah, people will look, but that's who you are andwhen you look down at those shoes they will put you at ease! I have afriend who is a huge Tomboy, but when she steps out she always has heelsthat look like they were created by Zeus. Even in denim pants, she makessure her ass is cuffed in a way that lets guys knows that she can play wrestleand still make you eat the booty like groceries. Know your brand andperfect your date look the morning of your date or even a day before.You're Supergirl without the cape, but that doesn't mean you forget to showup with the "S" on your chest.

Let me address the male mindset and how over thinking about what aman likes or doesn't like leads to unnecessary stress about what to wear.Tight, says sex. Cleavage, says sex. Shoulders revealed, says sex. Evenheels say sex. You have a vagina underneath your clothes; as a man, all hesees is sex. You can't bend to this idea of, "I don't want to look like a thot,"and sabotage your own sense of style in an attempt to come off virgin pure.You will always be objectified! "Men don't want a woman that dresses likea slut." Don't believe the hype. Even if you're wearing a Christmas sweaterwith pleather pants, a man will find something filthy to think about youwhen looking you up and down. The idea that you have to curtail your sexappeal to be taken serious, is more inflated than the lips on Kylie Jenner.You are going to be looked at like sex regardless, so instead of trying tofight objectification, embrace it, own it, and weaponized your femininity.What look turns you on? That's what you go with. Some men will tryto slut shame you and some women will try to set a standard of what'sclassy for you to wear. You don't dress for the men who wish they couldfuck you, nor do you dress for the women who are afraid that you will takeattention away from them. You dress for your own sense of style. All jokesaside, if you want to wear some low cut skirt that keeps rising and pair itwith spiked heels because that makes you feel good, do you! I'm not here totell you to be safe; I'm here to tell you to be the ultimate version ofyourself. The one warning I will give is that if you don't know how toproperly do your own makeup, have someone do it for you, or go minimal.Your outfit will inspire lust even if it is skanky, but there is nothing sexyabout a woman who walks in looking like Puddles the Clown. Now that'sout of the way let's check in with Cali.

The Date

Stephen has made reservations at an Italian restaurant downtown, nothingtoo fancy, but a level above the 2 for $20 chain restaurants like Applebee's.Cali begins her mental checklist by giving Stephen a gold star for beingcreative enough not to suggest some generic place that everyone has been tobefore. Picking a place off the beaten path tells her he's actually trying toimpress her rather than reaching for an easy place twenty minutes awayfrom his home. Cali has deferred being picked up, she's not ready forStephen to know her address, nor does she want to feel dependent on himdropping her back off when he's ready. Although her car is in the shop andit would be easier for him to scoop her, she is still going to meet him thereon her own dime to maintain her privacy.

In terms of wardrobe, Cali's outfit has been picked out for a few days.She doesn't have money to waste buying something new, so she went intoher closet to make something old look Easter fresh. A fitted pair of redleather pants, a drape neck black blouse, and a pair of six-inch open toeheels that she's been holding off wearing for months now. She is casualchic, and her makeup adds just enough, "Yes, I'm grown" sex appeal byhighlighting her thick lips and seducing eyes.

Cali is not overdressed for this type of restaurant, so there is no fearof coming off like a girl who doesn't go anywhere trying to do too muchjust because she's been let out of the house. Cali isn't giving off a "he's justa friend," vibe by dressing down. She understands that men like candy, soshe is happy to show her wrapper as if he has a shot at first night sex. Caliknows she looks like sex because she feels like sex, but her attitude isalways that of a lady on the surface. The date is set at 7 pm, so Cali figuresshe will get there at 7:10 pm. She's not trying to be immature and makeStephen sweat it out, she wants to see what he's made of. There are menwho will wait in front of the establishment unsure if they should go in.There are men who will go to the bar and order two drinks, one for him, andone for his arriving date. Then there are men who take this time to makesure the table available is the perfect one for his lady. Cali isn't expectinganything other than the truth. Stephen will have revealed one of manypersonality traits based on how he deals with her tardiness, and given Calieasy intel on his character.

Cali exits her Uber at 7:10 on the dot and walks up to the restaurant.Before she even gets to the hostess, Stephen is there to greet her. Sheapologizes for being late but doesn't mean it of course. Stephencompliments her outfit, and Cali responds with her own admiration of theshirt that he's picked out for this evening. Cali slyly pokes Stephen's chest,seeing how hard body he is, then shoots a seductive smile. She's alreadyunder Stephen's skin: Touch him, eye fuck him, and draw attention to herepic lips currently painted devil red. The date hasn't even started andStephen's blood pressure is already on the rise. Stephen tells Cali that itmay be another minute as he requested a booth instead of the table theytried to sit them at. Another Gold Star. Stephen arrived early and made sureto set the mood as he saw fit. He took control like a man and ensured theyhad a good seat, not a table tightly fitted next to another couple. Caliappreciates that take-charge attitude, and while she won't say this, Stephenis already winning in her book. The two are seated in the booth across fromeach other and like a referee starting a championship fight; the waiterexcuses himself to allow time for the couple to look over the menu. DingDing! This is the official start of the first date and Cali came prepared tofight.

Break the Ice

Stephen is anxious, nervous, and a bit excited. Cali can see it all over hisface as his eyes dart all around her, not sure if he should give anothercompliment or let the first one stand as good enough. He will reach forconversation about the restaurant first, asking if he picked something up toher standards. Next, he'll scan over the menu, looking for something funnyto bring up, maybe a strange name of a drink or entree that will make Calilaugh. This is how most men come off on dates; they try hard in an attemptto seem as if they aren't trying at all. Stephen's grin hides his lack ofcontrol. He's unsure if he should be funny, serious, or a combination ofboth. In short, Stephen is trying to find the mask he should wear that willmost impress Cali. A typical woman will sit and wait for a man to move hispawn first, and then go into a reactive mode trying to be a "Cool Girl."Cool Girls laugh at any joke; answer all questions, and generally, onlyfocus on following the man's lead so he likes her that much more. By thetime, they have to order, the male who started off nervous, will grow withconfidence and dominate the Cool Girl. He will control the pace, control thedate, and if he's smooth enough, control her mind. Cool Girls don'tunderstand male psychology; their only objective is to not fuck it up bybeing rude, opinionated, or goofy. Cali is far from typical. She doesn't needto be a Cool Girl because she's not trying to earn brownie points. She seesthrough the forced coolness Stephen is trying to exude, and like a trueSpartan, she's going to use that hidden nervousness to control him. Therewill be no winning her over with slick talk, making her uncomfortable withquestions, or causing her to submit with flirting. Cali is about to go on theoffensive and take this date in a direction few women dare.

Men are little boys. Little boys like to play games. After the waiterleaves, Cali puts out her pinky finger, "Let's make a bet that you can'tguess what I'll order." Stephen is a bit intrigued, "You want me to guessnow?" Cali shakes her head and fills him in, "I'm going to text you rightnow what I want. But don't look. When the waiter comes, order for me.After you do, look at your text to see if you chose right." Now Stephen ischarmed. He sits up in his chair, dropping all the fake cool shit that he wasthinking to do in his head, and gets ready to have fun. This girl has alreadyproven interesting, and he has to match her intrigue. Stephen, now superopen, asks what he gets when he wins the bet. Cali is now prepared to fullybreak the ice that exists between all people that are physically attracted toeach other. She leans in and says, "You get a kiss. Full tongue." Stephenjokes that he was already going to get one of those, and Cali says that sheonly hugs on the first date, never kisses. Cali hasn't gone full blown HoTactics with her flirting, but she still wants to plant the seed in this man'shead that he may get something that no other man gets. Stephen, of course,wants to play cat and mouse, "So why don't you kiss on the first date?"Stephen doesn't know that he's the mouse, not the cat. Cali ignores hisquestion and goes about texting him her order to start the game. After she'sdone, she rubs her foot against his foot and tells him not to cheat and look.Stephen has gone from confused date trying to throw on his playboy maskto giddy little kid. His cool is off, and the ice has been broken. Remember,men are little boys!

Cali's game is not really a game at all, but a recon. She gave this manthe right to order her food for her under the guise of a joke. Will he orderthe cheap ass chicken dish, go for the sexy salmon, or cash out with theLobster-Steak combo? This game gives insight into how much moneyStephen is prepared to spend and what kind of class level he sees Cali at interms of food. In terms of drinking, Cali will not push for a cocktail. IfStephen wants to ball out and order a bottle of wine, she will be forced topartake, but even then, she'll display her skill in terms of the fake sip. It'simportant to stay mentally sharp on a first date. Cali can drink with the bestof them, but she knows that sexual chemistry and alcohol can cloud themind. Stephen orders a Manhattan and asks Cali what she's going to have.Cali gives the excuse that she just took her allergy medicine and has to pass.Throughout the night, Cali will make sure Stephen stays with a full glassbecause liquor can be a truth serum. He may think that she's being a prude,but no man's opinion matters. In actuality, she's laying the groundwork thatwill ensure that Stephen plays into her hand by getting turned on, slightlyinebriated, and by the middle of the date, he will be open to her mindcontrol. Now that the ice is melting, it's time to break this man down.

Let Him Talk

Random questions that come with long stories are a woman's bread andbutter when on a first date. Cali is ready to settle Stephen down with someseriousness now that she's shown her playful side. Asking questions withpersonality as opposed to reading off generic inquiries as if you're going offa teleprompter is key. A basic bitch would begin with, "So how long haveyou been on your job." Who gives a fuck really? "Where did you grow up?"That's a one-sentence answer that will tell you zilch. "What's the longestrelationship you've been in?" No man wants to talk about his old bitch, butall men are prepared to talk about it in a way that makes him seem innocentor a victim of a she-beast. Men are always trying to sound perfect and thisplays perfectly into the heart of a typical female's ego. Most women want tohear that the man they are crushing on has been the right man for the wrongwoman for all of these years, and finally, destiny has brought them to eachother. Blah! These women don't want to hear the truth about this BlueChipper being just as flawed as the girl he chose, just as prone to mistakesas other men, or anything that raises red flags.

Avoid ultra-basic questions like, "So what are you looking for?"Really, bitch? Do you honestly expect any man to tell you that he's lookingfor no strings attached pussy from a woman that won't call him too much,over-text, or stalk his timeline? Typical women ask typical questions thatmen are prepared to answer with preplanned responses that make themsound great. "He said he was looking for something serious on our firstdate... but a month later that's not what he seems to want because he hasn'tasked me to be official." Do you want to be the moronic woman that saysthat or do you want to expose the wants of this man in a real way? It's allabout the line of questions you ask, the more creative the more revealing!Cali is not a simpleton. She won't lose the momentum she has andsay something that will make her date retreat into his "representative" whosays the right things. She wants to see the real him. Cali pumps the break onthe current subject and asks, "What's the closest you ever came to smackinga bitch?" Stephen laughs. Cali is serious and expands, "I'm talking highschool and above, not some little cunt that teased you in elementary school.Who pushed your buttons to the point that you nearly stepped out ofcharacter and laid hands?" Stephen tries to be politically correct and says hewould never do that. Cali pushes forward, "Bored now! C'mon give mesome fire, baby." Cali has just called this man out on several levels. She'sthe Queen waiting to be entertained, and Stephen feels pressured to answer.Unlike, "tell me about your Ex," this isn't a question a man will haverehearsed nor one he has experience answering. Stephen has to actuallythink and tell the truth because there is no time to make up something. Hesubmits and tells of a girl his first year of college who was the girlfriend ofhis roommate. She hung in their room all the time, eating their food, andacting as if she owned the place. As Stephen remembers this girl, he startsto get into a rage, that's how Cali knows this is real. No one recallsemotional moments dryly, they relive that moment. If a man's eyes don'twiden or his hands don't move while telling a story, he's making it up.Stephen is actually recalling that moment and Cali feels the realness.Stephen and this girl got into it over her freeloading and she reacted like abitch. He wanted to smack the hell out of her, but it wasn't worth it in termsof jail or ending his friendship with his roommate. Cali has him open; it'snot about this college story from years ago. She's being a therapist, gettingthis man comfortable enough to start telling things that are more personal.

Be Oprah, Not Ellen

Cali's random question now leads into internal feelings and motivation. DidStephen really want to fuck that girl? Was his anger really a result of sexualtension? Stephen denies it, saying the girl wasn't his type. This opens himup to what his type is without being too forward. Cali doesn't have to ask,"So what's your type?" and have Stephen be PC. By framing it within apast story, she can say, "Why wasn't this girl your type," with the focus onthat girl, yet it still tells her how Stephen really feels about all women. Caliteases, "in college I thought pussy is the default type for men, don't tell meyou were one of those, I'm looking for wifey types in undergrad?" Again,Cali is challenging Stephen to be different, not some sweetheart. Men wantto be men, but on dates, they are forced to protect how savage they comeoff, for fear of turning a girl off. Cali is unleashing this man's realness bydaring him to be a bad boy. Stephen admits he hooked up with a few girlshe would never take home to his mother, and that while his roommate'sgirlfriend wasn't ugly, she didn't have an attitude that turned him on.Stephen has been lead to talk, and like any man, he will explain his wantswithout any further questions because Cali triggered a topic that this manactually wants to expand upon. Stephen will go into how he doesn't likeghetto girls, his problem with women around his age, and even get on asoapbox about how women today don't know how to be women.

This isn't offensive to Cali because she too knows how annoyingmost women can be. She simply sits and nods, allowing Stephen to vent. Ashe winds down, Cali hits him again, "What's the nastiest thing you did incollege sexually, and if you say something corny like doggy style, I'mwalking out." Stephen again is faced with a random question. He wasprepared to talk more about his "type" or "attitude" but Cali threw him acurve ball and made it about sex. Stephen has no idea who this woman is,and he's sweating. The waiter comes back for the order; Stephen is savedby the bell.

Stephen loses the bet by choosing fish. Cali reveals that she's a lambgirl. Stephen checks the text she sent for the right answer, and it confirmsthat she wanted the lamb. No kiss. His spirits drop, but Cali rubs her footagainst his, teasing him, but also giving him some physical touch thatmakes it seem as if the door is still open for that kiss. Back to theconversation, Cali doesn't care about how nasty Stephen was in college,and the break in conversation gave him time to think about a lie, so sheonce again goes random. This time, it's about something she needs to knowabout his character, as opposed to another warm up question. Stephen isnow drinking, and it's time to get deep. Cali doesn't want to make the samemistakes she made in her last relationship so the next few questions will beabout personal deal breakers, and direct back to her last heartbreak.Cali's relationship history includes two serious boyfriends. The onewith the biggest red flag was her boyfriend of two years who felt held backby being in a relationship. This Ex wasn't ready to commit, but he knewthat was the only way Cali would fuck him, so he gave her an empty title.This resulted in a hollow relationship that had more downs than ups. Caliblamed herself for forcing a man to enter into a relationship when the signspointed to him not being read and imagined after their breakup that if shewould have lowered her bar and allowed him to play the role of "friend"with a little sex it could have developed into something stronger.That was Nicole's theory. Nicole was a weak bitch. Spartan Caliknows that nothing she did would have changed that man's inability to be ina loyal monogamous relationship. She was title hunting, instead ofpartner inspecting. Her mistake was picking a boyfriend whose charactershe didn't research. She was too busy being Ellen DeGeneres, fun loving,sweet, and only asking softball questions that kept things upbeat and chill.As a result, she got in a relationship with a man that never really wanted heron a deep level. This could have been prevented if Cali went for thecharacter instead of focusing on the title. Cali, back in those Nicole days,was concerned with being a cool, stress-free, zero pressure girl that did notscare men off. She allowed a non-serious man to give her a non-seriousrelationship because in her mind any relationship meant that she waswanted and that he would act accordingly once in a relationship. Cali is nolonger Ellen she's Oprah. She's going to challenge these men to open up,and reveal their story before she even thinks about a relationship.Cali plays Devil's Advocate in order to make Stephen comfortable."What do you think about these title chasers?" Stephen has no clue whatshe's referring to, so Cali continues, "Those girls that live to get aboyfriend, just so they can say they have a boyfriend. If you were dating agirl who you wanted to take it slow with but she was giving you lame assultimatums, would you cave in order to shut her up? ...I mean it's not likethe title really means anything." Stephen shakes his head, claiming that hewould never be with someone he didn't really want to be with and that nowoman can force anything on him. Cali retorts, "I mean if it was me withthe dick and Jhene Aiko was bae chasing, I'd tell her I would be her whiteknight, fuck her, and then bounce." Cali seems serious, she is selling thather way is the smart way. At the same time, she's being totallyunderstanding of a man's right to put sex first. Now it's on Stephen toanswer honestly knowing that he has an out to be a dog. He could continueto say that he wouldn't compromise the title for sex, or he can be peerpressured into saying, he'd fuck and run because it is just a title. There is noright or wrong answer, only the truth that will tell Cali about Stephen's truecharacter.

Stephen remains true to himself. He says the sex isn't worth givingsomeone the title. He takes the title seriously; he's not the type to call justany female his girlfriend. This is the answer Cali was hoping for, and nowthat Stephen is vulnerable, it's time to go in for the kill. "Where did you gowrong in your last relationship?" Cali needs to be giving out cars to theaudience, that's how fucking Oprah she is right now. It's not about his ex-girl, how they met, how long it lasted, or any generic question. It's aboutthe ultimate job interview question most people struggle with: What areyour weaknesses. Stephen is exposed, and there is no way to retreat withthis line of questioning. She is not asking where his ex-girlfriend wentwrong, the circumstances of the relationship ending, or any outside forcesinvolved. The only question is: Where did he go wrong. At this moment,Cali has full control over this date. Not once has she talked about her exes,her job, her family, none of that bullshit chitchat, it's all been aboutStephen's life. She slowly built up from small random questions that told alittle and patiently built it up to a big question that tells a lot.


The arrival of the main course is the best time to call a truce and let the manbreath. Therefore, Cali prepares to dig into the Mahi-mahi dish that shewould have never ordered, and calls a mental timeout. At this point in thedate, it's not about Cali eating, telling Stephen how good his dish looks, orcomplaining to the waiter about something being wrong. That's all surfacelevel bullshit interaction. The real goal of this timeout is to ask, "Do I stilllike him." That question is something that many women are afraid to ask,but Cali can't afford to waste her time trying to make a man fit because helooks good. The first half of the date, from the restaurant selection to theway he answered those random questions, left an initial impression.Answering the "Where did you go wrong," inquiry solidified her views.Let's go back and see how it played out: Where did you go wrong inyour last relationship? Stephen opened up about his past, admitting that hedidn't always make as much time as he should have with his ex-girlfriendbecause the transition from junior to lead account manager was stressful. Itwasn't so much his job, but his own obsession to do good that caused himto shut her out. Stephen didn't blame his ex for being too needy, he took thebullet and confessed that he has to work on letting people in even when he'sstressed and stop trying to carry it all inside. That was Stephen's"weakness" answer, which was an honest response that wasn't rehearsedbecause he was not expecting a question about his own flaws. When womentalk about dating requiring too much "energy" it's because most of thempour themselves into every man 100%. Cali hasn't given Stephen anythingbut flirty texts, a cute phone call, playful icebreaking, and a series ofquestions. Unlike typical women, Cali hasn't over shared. There has beenvery little emotional energy spent in terms of conversation and digging intoher own life and views. Stephen, on the other hand, has been forced to openup and exert real energy. Men aren't used to dating like this, they are usedto nodding and joking. Cali isn't in the habit of allowing a man to beemotionally unavailable; thus, she cracked him open thirty minutes into thedate.

At this intermission, Cali will choose to put her own energy intoStephen by sharing a little bit more of who she is, a reward for beinghonest. Alternatively, she could choose to just keep things light, finish herfood, and decide that the things Stephen has shared aren't in line with whatshe's looking for in a mate. Ultimately, Cali is in control of going south,meaning blowing her date off, or going north meaning that she continues toinvest in her date as if he could be something real. Let's look at both paths.

Going South

Let's imagine that Stephen answered all the inquiries in a way that turnedCali off. He had long pauses before speaking, seemed annoyed with herquestions, and was dodgy with his answers. When she hits the intermission,what does she do? She can't get up and leave, it's not as if he disrespectedor offended her to the point where she can't enjoy the meal gracefully. Thedislike level on a date is rarely going to be extremely negative like in themovies where a man puts his feet on the table, calls the waiter somethingracist, and demands the woman order a salad appetizer as her entree. HellDates aside, you have to be prepared to judge this man hard on how honestand forthcoming he is being with the small things. Most likely, the dislikewill be subtle, not blatant in a petty, "I don't like men that chew with theirmouths open," or "He didn't pull my seat out for me," way.

A real life deal breaker could be something like Stephen sayingsomething offensive about the girl he wanted to smack, maybe about herrace, skin complexion, or weight. It could be about Stephen confessing thatif a girl is ready to give herself away just for a title, he would take it, she'sthe dumbass that's prostituting herself for the label of girlfriend. Finally, itcould be one of the most common reasons I've seen women give in terms ofturn offs, cockiness. That final question about weakness could have beenanswered not with honesty and humility, but with, "I didn't do anythingwrong, the problem isn't with me. These broads expect you to lay up underthem and not live your life!" If Stephen had let his ego and elite attitudethrow himself a pity party, that would have shown Cali that theirpersonalities were going to clash down the line. Yes, they could finish thedate with no problem, go on another, and even have sex, but in the end, shecan't stand a man that thinks his shit doesn't stink, so it's best to stop at onedate with a man like this rather than risk him hanging around and growingon her. Therefore, at the intermission Cali asks, "Do I still like him," andshe answers "not really." She wants to like him because he's handsome,funny, and has his life going in the right direction, but a legit red flag hascome out, so fuck him. The rest of the date plays out with less randomquestions that dig and moves into general chitchat. Cali no longer needs tointerview this potential employee; no way is he getting the job, so why keepup the third degree? Nevertheless, she's taken this break in her schedule soshe's going to enjoy the entertainment of general conversation and a freemeal.

Going South, Cali talks about basic shit like TV shows or celebritygossip. The date died at the intermission, this is just the funeral. By the timeshe gets in her Uber, she won't be thinking of Stephen, he's literally dead.Alternatively, if Cali was feeling frisky she could use this dead date aspractice. It's always smart to test out new tricks and new ways to flirt withmen who don't mean anything. When you have reached a point in the datewhen you know you will not go out with the man again, it becomes like acomedian at an open mic, just trying out new material to prepare for the realgig down the line. Cali and Stephen share laughs, talk dirty, and inStephen's mind, he thinks that this is going to end back his place or, at least,he'll set something up for the weekend... little does he know that all he willget is a hug and, "I'll call you." Stephen will be blocked the next morning.Cali does not date for potential; she has to feel that fire throughout.

Going North

Let's go the other route, where our guy Stephen has answered the same wayas earlier in this chapter. He has been honest, funny, and showedvulnerability. Cali asks herself at the intermission, "Do I still like him," andthe answer is, "I like him even more." This is what we call a "Good Date,"in Sparta. So many people say the date was good based on basic shit or thefact that he didn't do something ignorant or come off as cheap. It is notabout a man holding serve by being entertaining while you eat food; it'sabout him being impressive and candid. Has this man shown signs of beingdifferent from the rest? Yes. Stephen has answered every question withflying colors and now it's up to Cali to keep that positive energy flowing.The entire date cannot be a series of random questions. You arealways vetting character, but there is also a need to see if you connect. Caliisn't a serious person, she's serious about her heart and whom she lets in,but she loves to have fun in general. It's time to give Stephen glimpses ofthe things she's passionate about, to see if there is something in commonbesides sexual chemistry. The next part of the date will lay the foundationfor future dates as it tests the things they have in common. Which of Cali'spassions interest Stephen? Which of Stephen's passions interests Cali?What can Cali teach Stephen? What can Cali learn from Stephen? This isthe next hurdle to see how far Stephen makes it after this date.

As Cali waits for the waiter to bring her fresh pepper for her bland assfish, she poses the question, "There can only be three songs on repeat for anentire five-hour flight. Which ones would you pick?" Cali's a music nerd,so she can't be with someone who would put Young Thug on their playlistabove Tupac or The Beatles, so Cali waits for Stephen to finish chewingand answer. He begins to smile because he's afraid to be judged, but hegoes for it. Two rap songs that Cali's never heard of and Marvin Gaye andTammi Terrell's "You're All I Need to Get By," this is the track that leads tofurther discussion. Once again, Stephen opens up. That song reminds him ofhis mother, as opposed to a romantic relationship, because she wouldalways listen to it when he was younger. They then get into the old versusnew debate, what era had the best music... Finally ending on Stephenreversing it back on Cali about her favorite songs. Music talk doesn't fizzleout, it goes from learning to debating, to each suggesting albums the othershould listen to immediately. By the time dessert comes, they can take abreak from that and start to venture into other topics. Cali just finishedreading The Tipping Point, she throws that out as a feeler, and Stephensuggests that she reads The New Jim Crow. Stephen gives a rundown of thetheme, and she can tell he has a lot to teach her about this area of sociology.Things are going great, but Cali isn't about to sit on a four-hour dinner date,so it is time to exit.

There is a lot more to be talked about that hasn't even been touched,and even though Cali finds Stephen easy to talk to and fun, she knows thatthose discussions need to be saved for later. Always leave a man wantingmore, not struggling to think of more to say once you've exhausted theconversation. Cali doesn't have work the next day, but she's created a busymorning scenario. She has to be up at the crack of dawn, so she needs to getto bed soon. Stephen, like any man, will try to squeeze more time in. Calihasn't said anything sexual or shared anything deeper than her love ofmusic, but here this man is wanting to cage her all night. Why? Cali is incontrol and Stephen is smitten. He hasn't gotten her open yet, and he knowsit. If men fail to enchant on a level, which they are used to enchanting, thenthey will always want to keep going until they win.

Every man wants to feel as if a girl is on his dick, and when thatdoesn't happen he will try to extend the date. The male ego is fueled by thesense of winning every time out, but no matter how "perfect" Stephen is,this game was rigged. Cali had no intention of letting him win no matterhow smooth, honest, and open he came off. Cali has to go. She sees thesadness in his eyes, rubs his hands, and says, "Next week I'll pick the place,and I'll make sure I don't have a curfew." Kill shot. She's like a MarvelComics movie, just when you think it's over; seeds are laid for theupcoming sequel. Stephen warms up to that, the no curfew line makes himthink "pussy next time," so in addition to enjoying her company he has themotivation of possibly enjoying her body if he repeats this performance.This dog isn't quite on the leash, but he has just been collared.

Wrap It Up

A man is water, your personality is Kool-Aid, and sexual chemistry is thesugar. At the end of the date, if things have gone great, there has to be amoment when you solidify the idea that you would fuck him by mixing inthe sugar. The bill comes. Stephen grabs it to see the damage. Spartan Calidoesn't reach to pay half or offer a tip. This is the first date, it's on Stephento roll out the red carpet, therefore, any generosity on Cali's end has to beheld back until at least the third date. Cali does what any woman should,she says "Thank you, baby," and smiles. That thank you goes a long way.Men love appreciation, it's really the best reward you can give the maleego. Remember this, as your old pre-programmed mind likely felt thatoffering money was a proper form of reciprocation. Nope, "Thank you" isking!

Cali exits to the restroom while Stephen pays the bill and figures outthe tip. Cali hasn't decided if she's going to kiss Stephen or not, but she'sgoing to make sure her breath is fresh just in case. She exits the restroomand asks Stephen if he's ready. The two exit. Stephen doesn't know howCali got to the restaurant and offers to walk her to the car. Cali tells him thather Uber ride will be there soon. The truth is she hasn't even ordered it yet.Cali wants, at least, ten minutes to pour her sugar on him.

Outside, Cali declines Stephen offer to drive her, again she doesn'tknow this man enough to be allowing him to pop up at her crib. Not to bemean, Cali moves in closer to him, "I'm fine, but you can keep me warmwhile we wait." When two mutually attractive men and women allow theirbodies to break that personal space line, fireworks happen. Stephen wrapsan arm around Cali; again, he's trying to be a gentleman. Cali moves evencloser, her arms folded at her stomach, she pushes against his chest and laysher head on his shoulder. To wrap her arms around Stephen and stare intohis face while talking would be too much for a first date, and at this point,Cali isn't sure that she truly is that dick disciplined to walk away if thingsget heavy. This position puts them close, the bodies are jumping, but it's notoverly sexual. From here, Cali begins to reward Stephen for the date.Men have paranoid egos, if they spend any amount of money withoutgetting anything physical, a part of them will question if this was a hustle.Cali isn't running Ho Game, but Stephen doesn't know this. With her headnuzzled on his shoulder, Cali begins to tell Stephen how fun it was. Shereally feels as if they connected and that he's interesting. Cali is sure to usethe keywords, "Connect," "Fun," "Interesting," because that's what menclamor for. They want to be a good time, they want to be unique in theirpresentation, and they want to feel as if a woman felt a deeper connection.Cali didn't find out the meaning of fucking life from this dude, but that'snot the point. This is an ego stroke done with her body close to his dick.Cali is taming the snake by going through the earlobes instead of the zipper,and that's what makes her so good at what she does. The car arrives andCali gives Stephen a deep hug. Cali isn't above a kiss, but she can't havehim trying to steal control at the end. Cali quickly pecks Stephen on thelips. Stephen wants to keep going. Cali smiles, gives one quicker peck, andpulls away as if it's breaking her heart to do so. "Next time..." Cali smilesas she backs away and enters the car. Stephen knows that Cali likes him, hefeels as if he's one more night away from having her, and any thoughts ofher "bluffing" are long gone. This is all a mind-fuck, Cali does like him buthe's nowhere close to sex. He is on her string and over the next few weeks;she will keep pulling until he reveals who he truly is.


Any decent man is going to hit a girl up to make sure she arrived safely, butthis is never to be used to have an After-Date. Text conversations about,"Did you make it home," shouldn't last more than two texts. Cali made ithome, this date was better than she thought it would be, and honestly she'sstill excited... and a bit moist. However, this is just the first lap. There havebeen guys in the past who have failed after this point, so she can't get aheadof herself with fantasy thoughts. Stephen texts her that he's home and asksif she's in bed? Cali responds that she is, thanks him again, kiss emoji.Stephen can respond, but that is Cali's final contact for the night. Cali isn'tgoing to be able to go to sleep, she's revved up with excitement like any girlwho had a great date, but she'll chill out and stay away from social media.There no need to e-brag about basic shit, good dates are normal. Cali isgoing to lay back, chill, and get ready mentally for the next part of thegame.