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The second date is not more of the same as the first date, with randomquestions and basic dick teasing seduction. It's about role-playing. You takehim out as if he's your boyfriend and see if he sinks or swims. I stress thatthe reason bad relationships get a chance to graduate to actual relationshipsis because women and men don't let the outside world in fast enough. Menact funny and reveal other parts of their attitudes when forced to do thingslike wait, be waited on, have to interact with someone annoying, see othermen showing you attention, etc. You as a woman may reveal the dark sidesof your attitude if someone messes up your order, bumps into you withoutsaying "excuse me," or if you run into someone you or he knows. Both ofyou need this type of real life experience or the relationship you're buildingwill be based on a fantasy. House dating isn't real dating! Outside datingcan be a baptism by fire that can let both parties in on the stuff humanbeings keep buried. In Cali's scenario, she was more reactionary than in herfirst date. She observed Stephen instead of prodding him with questions.This is your job now, to observe as opposed to lead. Don't worry aboutwhat situations will or won't arise that will allow you to test these things.Trust that unless you go to an abandoned warehouse for a picnic, obstacleswill pop up naturally. Be prepared to use them to benefit further vetting ofyour date.

Mission: Girlfriend Experience

You can't be afraid to disarm a man with physical acts of affection. Thereare women who stay in their personal space and wait for a man to do thingslike hold hands, place a hand on a shoulder, or even hug. These traditionalwomen don't want to send the wrong message and be a tease, but themoment you agree to date a man you already pass the teasing stage. He isassuming that by accepting a date or asking for one, it means that you wantto fuck or at the very least are attracted to him enough to consider it in thenear future. Forget sending the wrong message, who cares about themessage? You aren't going to be having sex so you must show him that youare interested in a different way because to stand around acting reservedtells him that you may only be using him to finance these dates.

Another thing I see is the fear of physical rejection, as if this manthat's courting you will somehow reject those advances because you're notpretty enough or because he doesn't want you touching him in public. I'llnever forget the girl who asked me, "Is it okay to put my hand on his leg, Idon't want him to push it off." Think about that bullshit. Those fears aredeep rooted because non-Spartans are so consumed with being curved thatthey curtail their actions to the point where they are like prisoners on theirown dates. Stop carrying your insecurities on your sleeve, and understandthat no man who is out with you will push you off in any way.

The Girlfriend Experience exploits sexual chemistry in order to re-break the ice. I once met a friend of a friend for the first time, and this girlwas so smart in her flirt game that it surprised even me. The moment shemet me, before exchanging names or any of that, she hugged me tightly, andthen led me by the hand to sit next to her on the couch. Internally, shealready won me over in five seconds. Why? Because men, even smart ones,are simple creatures! Show us physical affection instead of dry basicinteraction where you sit there and keep your hands to yourself and youhave our attention for as long as you want it. Even if you're in the line at themovies, to lean your head on his shoulder while you wait, takes you fromthat sterile date vibe to feeling like you're already his girlfriend. Takecontrol of these men as if they already belong to you! If he were yourboyfriend, you wouldn't be shy physically, right? You wouldn't keep yourhands away from your boyfriend's hands or wait for him to initiate a hug.This person isn't your boyfriend, but make him feel as if he is, so he falls inlove with that potential future. It doesn't matter if you're at a bowling alleyand sit on his lap, or come up as he's about to roll, and wrap your armsaround his waist. The more physically free you are around a man you'redating, the faster you hypnotize him. You aren't his girl, but it feels right,it feels like something he could get used to, and once you imprint that in hisbrain, you become a prize beyond your pussy.

Mission: Show You're Wanted

Cali went to a spot where she was known, but many of you aren't knownsocially or won't choose events where you may run into an ex or even yourfemale friends. That's okay because there are other ways to show a man thatyou're not some unwanted dandelion, but a rose that everyone wants tosmell. One of the biggest reasons not to enter a relationship is jealousy.Nearly every woman reading this has dealt with a jealous man who startedoff so nice, then showed his true colors. Jealousy or potential to show signsof abuse are always present. We talked about being mysterious andinsinuating that you are dating other men. A lot of men will run away assoon as they think you're dating other guys. It's a double standard: As aman he talks to four other women, probably sleeps with one of them, butexpects you to date one at a time. You've already tested him in this area byletting him know that you have friends and you showed via your actionsthat you aren't breaking your neck to see him or talk to him all day everyday. If he didn't like you being a free agent but hid it, then this date willexpose him. Let's say your date choice is something low key like a cookingclass where there is nothing but other couples. Men aren't going to belooking at you and other women aren't going to be trying to chat you up, sothe room to show jealousy isn't there, right? Wrong.

You two are in a cooking class; you glance over to one of the guys tohis left, and remark, "Oh shit." Your date asks what's wrong. You lookagain, this time, relieved. "I thought that was this guy that won't stopblowing up my phone." It's a total lie, but what it does is put it in yourdate's head that you are wanted out here in these streets. The same wayStephen started to get upset with Cali's coffee buddy, your date won't beable to hide his curiosity or worry. "What if it was him, would youintroduce us," should be countered with, "I don't mix the guys I date fromthe guys who I merely talk to," bam! You show him that you're a treasurenot by pretending you only talk to him, but by insinuating that he is the oneguy currently standing out. Don't be afraid of these little boys! It's in yourbest interest to get guys to look at you, to mention off-handedly that youmay see someone you know, and to make him realize that he needs to do allhe can to take you off the market because you are in high demand.

Mission: Test His Engagement

It's rude for you to play on your phone when on a date, but it's downrightdisrespectful for a man to split his attention between the spectacle of youand his phone. If Facebook is more important than you are on date #2,imagine how more important it will be in the weeks to come when he'sreally comfortable around you. Some people may need to check emails orother important things, but you should know by this time what kind oflifestyle this guy leads. A dude who works in construction doesn't need tobe checking his email multiple times at night. A man without childrenshouldn't be worried about his phone vibrating. Another observation tomake revolves around other women. If you're going to a place where you'redressed sexy, then other women will be there looking almost as good--almost. All men look, you can't turn that off, but it's how a man look thatdetermines his respect level. Full head turns, gazing too long, or even theold school, "look at what she's wearing, do you like that color," disguisedstare, all point to a man who isn't giving you your proper attention. Themain event is in front of his eyes, he shouldn't be looking at people in thecrowd.

Mission: How Does He Talk Around Others

When you're on the phone late at night sweet talking each other, a man isn'tgoing to offend you or talk down to you. Maybe there will be a debate on atopic that you two disagree on that may show his elitist or narcissistic side,but usually during the first week, a man will reframe from getting on asoapbox about a touchy subject. In terms of jokes, a man who is courtingyou will also keep those above the belt. Girls can be sensitive, calling awoman teasing names like, "genius" after she says something stupid.Making fun of an accent or how she pronounced a word. Throwing innocentshade at something physical like her big ears, hairstyle, or nose shape, evenas a joke can ruin a man's shot. Guys stay away from things that can betaken the wrong way, but it only lasts until they become comfortable. Thisis why deep conversations followed by the second date works so wellbecause you put him at ease sooner and lessen his filter so the real himcomes through in terms of how he talks to you in public.

One woman told me how a guy she was seeing for months gotcomfortable and called her "Thunders" a name that referred to the size ofher thighs. I saw it as a cute joke, but she took it to heart due to her historywith men verbally bashing her weight. It wasn't until they were at one ofher family gatherings that he called her Thunders in front of her mom whostarted to laugh. What could have been a quick, "Don't say that to me,please, I'm sensitive about that," became a huge blowup. They should havecrossed that bridge during the first few weeks. If they were on a date, hewould have called her Thunders, but they didn't date properly nor bond in away that uncovered his jokey persona. All they did was house date andphone bone. Even after knowing him for two months, he was still a stranger.When you're out and around more people than the waiter or the bartenderyou hear a man's thoughts on society, but you also experience his reactionsto you in terms of his temper, jealousy, or humor.

Let's say that you want to go to a Paint and Sip, one of those eventswhere you drink wine and paint pictures. The conversation will be betweenthe two of you, but it's also about something specific. Unlike on the phonewhere it revolves around "I want to see you," "what are you wearing, bae,"bullshit. A guy you're dating may be super competitive and will begin totalk down on your painting. Saying things like he can tell your parentsdidn't send you to camp or that your school must not have had funding forthe arts. He may be a jokester and start to clown you in a malicious way thatyou don't like. Calling you "big dummy," or "retard," because you make amistake. These real life responses come up all the time after you're withsomeone, but rarely before you commit because people don't spend enoughtime outside of the home observing true personality.

Different women thrive with different personalities. A man doesn'thave to be a saint, but he has to line up with your disposition because afterthe lust wears off that's all a man is, his opinions and behavior that reflectsthose opinions. It's not a deal breaker if a man tells offensive jokes or isstrong willed, but how does he respond to you checking him? Is he the typethat listens or the type that doesn't respect your objections? If you don't likehim calling Asian people derogatory names, be blunt and tell him that's notcool. If he tries to undermine you by continuing to say similar things, thenhe's a man that only listens to himself. You can't flourish in a relationshipwith a man who doesn't respect you enough to watch his mouth or seethings from your perspective.

The final point is observing the shade a man throws at you. Snidecomments that appear to be jokes but are really judgments often come outwhen you're around other people. I've spoken to women in abusiverelationships who didn't see these Bitch Checks as anything out of theordinary because a man will sneak disrespect you in a way where it seemsharmless at first. You come out the house for a date, and he's saying, "Ithought only whores wear red." You're laughing at a joke the waiter makesand he feels a need to say, "Maybe I should give him my seat." You correcthim on a word and he says, "Oh damn, a person would swear you had morethan an Associate's degree." When a man you like is saying those things, itcan work in terms of eating away at your self-esteem or making you feelguilty. Men use words like whips, and while it sounds like jokes at first, youwill start to curtail your behavior based on his reactions. "Let me wear thisdress because I don't want to hear his mouth. Let me not say anything tothis bartender because he may think I'm flirting." You can wear what youwant, laugh with whom you want, and if a man chastises, even under thecover of a joke, that tells you who he is, a controlling asshole.This test will not only expose how he talks to you in a public settingbut how he compromises when called out. "Could I be with him? Yes,because even when we bump heads he's willing to explain himself to helpme see what he actually meant or he's willing to apologize when he seesthat it wasn't appropriate." Don't wait until it's a month in and you bringhim to a family cookout or a double date to see he has a disrespectful moutharound other people, competes for attention, or judges you openly.

Mission: Let Him Down Easy Without Being EasyYou want to have sex... You're horny, frustrated, and he's said all the rightthings to get you to do more than just kiss him when he drops you off. Youwant to invite him in, fuck the soul from his body, and let the chips fallwhere they may. Don't do it. This isn't about you cuming tonight and againthe next day when he wakes up next to you, this is about finding a man thatcan give you that for the rest of your life. Your mission is all about defininga man's true character in a fast and efficient way. There is no better way todefine who a man truly is then by withholding pussy he thinks he is goingto get. To be all over him on the second date like you can't keep your handsto yourself, to kiss him first, those things all signal you want the dick, andyou do, but it's not going to be that easy. Trust in the process and don'tover-think what his reaction will be. No matter if he thinks you're a cocktease, a Ho that just wanted concert tickets or a woman that's on the fence--let him judge. Typicals worry about the minds of men; Spartansdetermine what's in the minds of men by exercising control over those brainwaves.

Most likely, you will be tried physically with him kissing on you, butyou can't break because he kisses that spot on your neck that gets youleaking. Next, you will be called out as a bluff verbally. He will tease thatyou are playing games in order to goad you into doing a little bit more toprove that you aren't scared or bluffing. Play this off without an attitude andkeep it sexy. "You going to have to keep working, daddy." Men like tochase, so never feel guilty about pushing him away. Alternately, the menwho get denied like a kid that has been told he can't stay up late, ragesilently. They may fall back the next day and distance you from their livesout of spite or they may keep dating you in a more nonchalant way untilyou are forced cut them off due to signs of "acting funny." You must not fallfor this Push & Pull Dick Tactics. If you shoot him down and he starts todistance himself passive aggressively, it's not your fault. You having sexshouldn't be the sole reason a man wants to see you! If he proves to be onlyin it for sex and develops an attitude after the date, he's finished!

There's a thin line between leading a man on and being overlyguarded. At the end of the date, be empathetic to what a man is feeling. Letthis guy down slowly by showing him via your actions that you like him.Example, you are sitting in his car or standing outside of your car about toend the night. He really wants you to go back to his place. "Don't worrywe'll get there soon enough." Kiss and exit. This shows him you areattracted to him, not using him. Let's say he drops you off and wants tocome in your apartment, just to talk. "I don't want to talk; I want to ride youlike I was down by a lap in the Kentucky Derby. But that wouldn't be smartright now." Kiss and exit. Again, your words are a turn on, and helpextinguish the idea that you're playing him for free dates. Let's say you twoare in the car and he pulls his dick out and tells you to stop bluffing. "Don'tdisrespect my womanhood like I'm a thot." Roll eyes and exit. Be as politeand interested in him as you can possibly be, but never entertain disrespect.Let him know that you are attracted to him, prove it with kissing, but don'tcompromise your mission by giving more than that.

Be smart and safe. No man should be allowed inside and youshouldn't go inside. I've heard all the war stories of girls who let guys in forfifteen minutes thinking nothing would happen and ended up sleeping witha man just because. Don't become that girl who felt bad and jerked him offor went down on him so he wouldn't go home hard. Never confuse beingsympathetic with giving in. The moment you show a man that your wordmeans nothing in the face of his sexual pressure, then you lose all control.No man will ever take you serious if one minute you're talking about howyou don't get down, then the next minute you're letting him eat you out inyour living room. That's like a mother who says, "Eat your broccoli or nodessert," yet still gives her son dessert. Once it's been established that momwill always go back on her threats, he will manipulate her for the rest of hislife. Be stern! No means no, even when you want to say "yes." You are whoyour actions prove you to be. Your mouth says you're classy, your mindsays you're a Queen, but your actions just proved you to be a jump-off. Ifyou give a man what he wants just because he wanted it, you're weak. Youcan't argue against your own actions or excuse them, you are how you live,not how you imagine. So don't go on dates saying who you are, leave thesedates proving who you are--Not Easy.