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Once you're in a relationship the mind shifts from getting a man, tokeeping a man. What's supposed to be a time of enjoying each other,discovering new things, and moving into the realm of a lasting relationship,becomes panic. He's going to get bored. He's going to cheat. He's going toget annoyed with me. The fear of holding on to someone they can'tphysically control scares the fuck out of most women. In response, typicalwomen create fairytale stories that make them sleep better at night. Do thethings he likes and avoid asking him to go out of his way, and he won'tgrow bored. Give a man good sex, and he won't cheat. Don't nag andalways provide a relaxed environment, and he won't get annoyed. Do youunderstand that there is no direct correlation to any of that shit? Your basic"how to make a man happy" blueprint crumbles under the truth that peopleare constantly growing and revamping what they want in life. Put a littleboy in a room with all the toys he wanted for Christmas and he will cravethe experience of something new by next month. It's the experience of lifedone different, not done at his command, that keeps a male's interests. Aman will always grow apart from a woman who no longer challenges,teaches, or inspires him. To simply, love him harder, misses the point ofwhat you both need to develop a strong partnership.

A woman should not be the game master that has to keep arelationship fresh. Yet, the misogynistic solution always comes back tofemale submission. Do you realize how often we men ask, "How do wekeep our lady happy?" Never! How is it that men never have to considerways to maintain your love, but you are consumed by how to maintain aman's love? You read books, you go to lectures, you listen to podcasts, youask other people--how do I keep him in love! That's not a Spartan mindset,that's pathetic. A man's only worry is when he fucks up, (and they all fuckup) and how to kiss ass and get back in her good graces. There is no extradrive to sustain a woman's love on a man's part, and it has nothing to dowith who loves who more. Men know that you should never have to makesomeone happy to be with you; either they are or they aren't! This mentalityhas been working for centuries and men win with it daily. So why arewomen still in the business of trying so fucking hard to please a falsemaster?

Unlearn the way you look at love. Your boyfriend does not need youto be his slave, his mother, or his jester. The person in the relationship withthe most power is the one that tries the least. Unless this is a relationshipyou started after dating like a Spartan, then it's likely you are the one tapdancing for dick's approval. What do you want to eat, bae? We can dowhatever you feel like, bae. It's up to you, bae. I'm happy with whatever,bae. You live like I Dream of Jeannie, and it's because you don'tunderstand how to partner with a man, only to serve. Being a girlfriend, isnot grunt work, it is not servitude, it is an equal alliance. Even if you likebeing domestic and are happy catering, understand what motivates you totake that role, and be sure it comes from a sincere place. For most, being agirlfriend is practice for being a wife. You do all the duties of a wife, henotices that effort, he knows that he will be taken care of, so he marries you.Ha! What an outdated formula that continues to fuck over ignorant women.This standard submission is tied to your quest to be chosen as a wife andit's time you reevaluated the lengths you should go for matrimony.Little girls play house, grow up wanting to run a real house. Littlegirls play mom with their dolls, grow up wanting to be that mom to realdolls. How can you achieve those things at the ultimate level? You getmarried. A man is the gatekeeper to marriage. He has traditionally held thepower of getting down on bended knee and proposing, and even in the 21stcentury, women buckle under the pressure of being chosen. If a man doesnot want you enough to ask for your hand, then you will remain that littlegirl simply playing that role. You don't want to live in a house with a manthat is just a boyfriend. You don't want to co-parent with a man and bemerely a baby's mama. The world is filled with women that can play thoseroles, but you want that real union. The pressure is on you to do whateveryou can to open that gate, to make him see you as special, as deserving, as aWIFE. No matter how empowered you try to feel, you still think yourhappiness rests in the hands of a man. This is the root of why women try,while men are content to be.

A man doesn't have control, you give it to him by thinking in thisfashion. When you place your power in the hands of a man to win his love,you will always fail. You end up the depressed woman who lives with theresults of an unbalanced relationship or become that bitter woman who hasto constantly start over because she didn't pay attention the first time. As Isaid in the beginning, your world will teach you the same lessons until youget it right. With all of this truth the universe is sending you, will you learnor will you keep playing dumb? There are three major things I want toaddress that will come up when your relationship hits a bump or two. Thewant to run away, and prove a point to your boyfriend. The want toovercompensate sexually, to keep him from other women. And finally, thewant to sacrifice your power in order to hold on to a man who is no longerinterested in a future with you. Fear of not ending up with what you wantedis at the core of these mistakes. At the relationship stage, fear's gripbecomes the strongest, so you have to be at your hardest.

Taking A Break vs. Giving Space

Here's an example of checkers as opposed to chess. Your average couplegoes through an issue that can't be handled in one sitting, or they continueto have the same exact problem over and over. This can range from notmaking time to see each other, a white lie about where someone was, notwanting to move in together, other people knowing too much of yourbusiness, loaning money, all the way to very serious things like infidelity,insulting someone in a way you can't take back, or the big one--notwanting to get married. A woman who's playing checkers will take one ofthese problems and try to solve it by "showing him I don't need him." To anon-Spartan this sounds very Spartan, but in reality, it's very Junior year ofhigh school. Taking a break from your boyfriend is meant to give you timeto regroup and figure out what you want. Here's where I can smell thebullshit seeping from your pores. No matter if you call it a "break" oractually break-up under the pretense of "for now..." you aren't walkingaway in a manner that evokes change or solves the issue. Unlike solid "it'sover," breakups, breaks are half-ass declarations, not absolutes where youfully embrace being single again. You aren't showing a man you can dobetter, so he should do better, you're using a temporary separation as abluff.

I've talked to women on breaks, and they aren't truly single. They tell methey're waiting for him to get his life together or taking time to figure outwhat they really want out of the commitment. Unlike a true single person,they have the safety net of, "I can go back," so these women never feelalone, just apart. Where's the challenge when a person is still available toyou? Where's the motivation when your back isn't against the wall, justresting against one? Imagine an employee at an Amazon warehouse goingto their boss and saying they need a break until they figure out if this job isfor them. Not a vacation, not a sick day, they are going to walk away fromthe company until they are mentally ready to do the job or you treat thembetter. Amazon would fire his ass; no company is going to bow toultimatums and indifference because that opens the door for a repeat of thatsame tactic. The break you are going on is an ultimatum meant to bringchange, but will it work?

You taking a time out is the escalation of saying, "A good womanisn't going to wait around forever." When you bark at a man, he willapologize, promise to change and do better, then go back to the samebehavior or excuses once things cool down. You can't negotiate withsomeone who doesn't respect your bite! The bark of "I'm not going to waitaround," didn't work, so the only thing left to do is to show a man that youaren't playing by breaking up...but you don't want to actually break up--abreak makes it real without being definite. By putting your boyfriend on ahard probation where you might be out dating other men and may never getback with him, should put the fear of God in him, but it doesn't, because hefeels your lack of power.

I know four men that had babies while on break from their regularlyscheduled girlfriends. Multiply that amount by five and that's how manyguys I've known who have actively found new pussy while on break. "It'sall good, I was on break when it happened," becomes the pill women mustswallow when a man comes back with a pregnant woman or has to explainwhy a rival female is still hanging around trying to break them up after theyget back together. Negative fallout from a break is rarely something a manhas to deal with because women, as noted, don't give into the fact that theyare fully single. They typically remain loyal to the man they are on breakfrom. She may go on a date, make out with a guy, but the guilt that she stillbelongs to the man she considers her boyfriend remains. I had a veryawkward sexual encounter with a woman on break, who took me to theedge, then pulled back with tears because she felt she was being unfaithful.On the other side, I had a good friend who went on break and had a girlpregnant by the end of that month. He was bursting at the seams to go rawin new pussy, and he let his excitement lead to conception. It's not aboutlove, it's about sex--know the difference. Most men see "break" as apussy vacation, not a time to change their ways. Your love will keep youloyal to a man who is technically not your man, but males aren't wired likethat. People on break usually get back together within three months, bothpromise to love each other better and communicate more, then six monthsfrom then they go on another break usually related to some dirt thathappened on the first break. It's a mess that you should always avoid.If you still want to be with him, why go through with a charade? Youcan give a person space, or request that a person gives you space while stillbeing committed to each other. The gimmick of a temporary breakup meantto crack the whip does not move you forward in an adult way. Here's whatgiving space should look like when trying to work through a solvableproblem: Instead of hanging out each night, only see each other once aweek. When you do meet up, it should not be to go on dates that rekindlethe flame of romance. It should be real therapy or self-therapy. Go out to apublic setting and talk openly about the issue for a solid two-three hours.This means there is no chance it will lead to sex or uncontrollablearguing because you're right there in the middle of a coffee shop orsomething similar. It's not about laughing or saying "sorry" but hearingeach other out. Pulling back to reevaluate the relationship is a smartstrategy, but also ask yourself if any work is being done while separated. Aman will tell you he's working on him, but is he? Women who push a manaway only to take him back because he claims he changed are idiots.

Think about this:

You want to take a dog off the leash, flag him away, and tell him tocome back when he learns how to stop shitting on the carpet. A dog willcome back with his head down, lick your face, but he will still shit on thecarpet! You learn by talking, not by pushing that person away. If you love aperson, you don't give them a break from their responsibilities. Being aboyfriend means he should stand in the pocket and do the work requested.Being a girlfriend means being emotionally strong enough to confront youranger, not drive it away until you calm down enough to forgive him. Youtwo shouldn't be off on your own, you should be in each other's face tryingto communicate on a real level. That means opening up about why the samemistakes keep happening and discussing rules you can set going forward.To give a man or yourself a golden ticket to go be a single person doesn'thelp, it creates further problems.

Will He Cheat On You?

You can't stop a man from cheating on you. It's that simple, but themajority of women don't want to believe that because it makes themnervous. Most girls like clean, simple, organized reasoning. Blueprint logicmakes relationships formulaic and safe. Suck his dick, make him cum, tellhim he's loved, and he will never look at another woman. That's how theworld should work, right? Why would a man who is so well taken care ofrisk losing that just to cum in some girl he doesn't know, doesn't like, andwon't remember? A man falling in love with someone new, that makessense. With an emotional affair, you can reflect on what went wrong andhow to prevent it, but for a man to randomly put his dick in some bitch justto scratch an itch you could have scratched is chaos. Isis attacks are morelogical than men lusting after new pussy, and it worries you to death thatnothing you can do will mean anything if a man gets an urge. The truth isn'tmeant to feel warm and protective. This icy feeling is why the truth doesn'twin out over wishful thinking. You live in a world where other scaredwomen tell you there is a rhyme and a reason for cheating which you canprevent. You live in a world where men who get caught with their hands inthe cookie jar lie, "It's because I felt lonely only seeing you twice a week,"or "I'm insecure about my manhood, don't leave me, help me."There is always an incentive for a liar to keep lying even after beingcaught. For a Bill Clinton to walk up to a Hillary Clinton and say, "I justwanted my dick sucked, and she had that slutty look I like," does not save amarriage. The ability to apologize, blame it on some underlying issue, andpromise to correct it, always gets a man a second chance! This is why thereis so much misinformation about cheating, no one wants to talk about it in areal way. Therefore, if you sit in a group of ratchet women who only knowwhat their cheating exes have told them, they will tell you that sucking hisdick with a certain technique, dressing up, role playing, using toys, Kegelgrips, or any of their basic ideas, will make a man stay faithful. It's garbage.When you listen to survivalist tell you an earthquake is coming andyou need to reinforce your home, you will become paranoid aboutearthquakes. When you listen to a bunch of birds' chirp about how to fuck,suck, and cater to a man's sex drive to keep him from stepping out, you willbecome paranoid about cheating. Instead of living your life, focusing onwhat's in front of you, and the joy of being in a relationship, it becomes allabout protecting your investment from other women. His phone vibratesand he smiles at the text, could be another bitch--quick fuck him. Hedoesn't come over and wants to stay home for the night, could be anotherbitch--quick send him nudes. He didn't want to have sex last night or thismorning, could be another bitch--quick amp up the freak level by suckinghis balls while he sleeps. If you have to eat another girl's box in front ofhim, make sex tapes, and give your boyfriend hall passes to sample otherwomen so you can keep his love, then he didn't love you in the first place.Has a man ever told you, "Do this or I'll fuck another chick?" If he did youwould smack the taste out of your mouth for assuming that you wouldcompete for love. Today's men don't have to tell women to do extrabecause women take it upon themselves to do it out of fear that he willgrow bored.

My favorite New Yorker texted me a few months ago and she asked ifI ever considered a threesome with my wife. What man wouldn't want athreesome in fantasy, but in reality, there are things you have to weigh.Mainly, who does it benefit and what are the repercussions? I know my wifebetter than the back of my hand, and no matter how many women she calls"cute," she's not about that life. A man will test the waters to see how bi-curious his woman is, but if it's not her cup of tea, it would be cruel tosuggest she do something sexual she doesn't want to do. My friend whowas considering a threesome for her boyfriend said, "I didn't like the ideainitially, but it's farfetched to believe you can keep a man satisfied for 20-50 years. You have to do something to add that excitement. As much as I'dlike to think I'll never get cheated on, I know men get bored." I respondedthat a man's lust for new pussy doesn't stop once you invite threesomes.Trying to cure a man's lust for other women is like Bruce Banner trying tocure The Hulk, it's never going to happen.

Holding his hand while he gets his fix of something new, may bringsome women the comfort that he's not going to do it behind her back, butagain, a male's sex drive doesn't go by a woman's logic. Outside of thestereotype of him falling for the other woman, there's also the more normalreaction of, "If she's okay with me doing it with her, then me sliding offinto something when she's not around won't hurt." Once that what ischeating line becomes blurred, you lose control of boundaries. At that pointit may as well become an open relationship because telling a man to "waituntil your birthday for new pussy," will not work. A man's want for otherwomen, as discussed earlier in this book, isn't just about the physical act ofthrusting inside of a new vagina. It's the hunt, the capture, and thechallenge. To tell a man he can toss up some girl you found off Backpage,will be met with the same reaction as that Indominus Rex on JurassicWorld; he doesn't want to be feed by you, he's a savage that will still find away to get out and hunt.

In the case of my friend, she wouldn't mind experimenting withanother woman. Therefore, I was all for her turning some girl into EllenDeGeneres in pursuit of a nut, but I maintained that it should be for herbenefit. If your sexual fantasy stays in the back of your head while he getsto play his out under the pretense of "I'm a man I need to be entertained,"then where is the compromise? This is where all the progressive logic ofthreesomes, hall passes, and open relationships fall apart. If the truemotivation (you know the true motivation if you're honest with yourself) isto keep him from growing bored, then it's not equal. Is your man worriedabout not satisfying you to the point where he will let another dude take aturn with you? Doubtful. Which goes back to the sad practice of womengoing to the extreme to keep a man satisfied, when extremes are not needed.Would it have been better for Jackie to invite Marilyn Monroe into thebedroom at the White House? Should MLK have asked for a hall pass whilehe was on the road to be considerate of Coretta's feelings? In front of youor behind you, the emotional punch that comes from the person you lovebeing inside someone else doesn't dull. Most men see getting pussy as justgetting pussy, but women tend to see it as something meaningful. Thesolution isn't to change your view on sex to fit a male's view so it doesn'tfeel personal when he's hitting her from the back. You can't lie to yourself,it won't stick. No matter how often you two laugh about it after the menage,the image will haunt you. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. If yourrelationship fails, then it was meant to fail. A wild night can't save it.This is about fear, not fun. The fear that you won't be enough tosatisfy a man's appetite is so great you are willing to share. If he does itwith you, it gives you some semblance of control. Nope! He's in controlbecause you have admitted with clear actions that you will do anything tokeep him while he simply has to show up and fuck two women. It's notabout his birthday, anniversary, or a weekend in Vegas; it's about not beingenough for your man and having to find out the hard way that he didn'texercise dick control. You don't want to find out in a way that embarrassesyou, shames you, and turns you into just another girl with a man who's offthe leash. Maybe your father cheated on your mother, maybe your excheated on you, maybe you were busting it open for a taken man, and youdon't want to be on the other end of that. Your pride is tied to being awoman who can keep her man happy, and that's the problem. You don'thave to work this hard to keep your man happy--he is or he isn't.

Slinging dick, running the street, sneaking around, this is not a reflection ofhow unfulfilling you are, it's a reflection of how undisciplined he is!To internalize a man's cheating as your own failure will erode yourself-esteem, turn you bitter, and create trust issues. Where does that roadlead you? Back to being another weakling scared of "what if" and scarredby paranoia that all men will cheat on her because the last man had ultimatepower over her self-esteem. Never allow a stupid little man to break yourspirit. Embrace the challenge that other women run from, don't let fear winby opening the door to your kingdom like, "Take him! Just let me watch."Be confident that you are more than enough to keep his attention.

Picking At Scabs

Forgiveness should be written in permanent ink. No matter how mad youbecome, don't dig up old dirt and shovel it on top of a new problem. Yourman hurts you, and while caught up in the moment the only thing you cando to even the field is to remind him about the time XYZ happened.Remember when you forgot my birthday? Remember that bitch I caught youtexting? Remember that money I loaned you? Remember when I let you usemy credit? Remember that night you got drunk and said--stop it! If you arestill with a man who has done wrong, that means you have forgiven him forthat past wrong. Communication, working out problems, agreeing to newrules and boundaries, those are the tools used to hold love together whenlife tests you. What's the point of doing all of that work, just to unravel itduring one heated argument? You can't blame it on your emotions. Youown your emotions, you control what you say, and if you haven't masteredthat by now, then go back to the first part of this book and keep resettingyourself until you let go of that weak bitch immaturity.

You can't rip open stitches and then say, "Sorry, I didn't mean it."You did mean it! People bring up old subjects that are still raw because theyhaven't made peace with them. Which begs the question, did you actuallyforgive or did you just accept? There's a difference. If you forgive someone,you embrace their actions, but you don't excuse them. Instead, youinternalize and confront those mistakes, make peace with the reasonsbehind them that you were given, then let go without animosity or worry ofa repeat. To accept as opposed to forgiving it, is to acknowledge a person'smistake, but leave the emotional hurt dangling like a sore spot you don'twant to touch. You don't want to confront of reason because it pains you.You have to confront that hurt in order to forgive and heal or that wouldwill fester. Be an adult, don't pick at scabs. If your boyfriend pulls thissame act and throws your skeletons in your face, then the same rules apply.He's not over the hurt, and you need to call him out on it. Don't get into ascreaming match about who did what. Repeat the steps listed in thischapter: Give each other space, communicate, and work towards a bettersolution. If old problems continue to create new arguments, then the well istoo poisoned. It's time for a breakup...