I hope he doesn't say anything to ruin it! Allow me to break this sayingdown in a way that shows how men have been getting by for years withoutreally opening up to women. A typical woman will develop a crush on aman based on surface qualities, and in order for him to win her over interms of a second date or even fast sex; all this man has to do is avoidsaying things that turn her off. Think about that... a man isn't judged on theway he opens up about his life or impresses her with conversation. He'sjudged on how well he remains inoffensive. If this is a dude who has radicalpolitical thoughts, anger management issues, or is still broken up over a pastrelationship, all he needs to do is turn his personality down and keep thingslight. 90% of the women I had sex with didn't know I had a brother, whatmy exact age was, or what part of town I lived in. All the conversationstayed on their past and their opinions, and I did that on purpose. We'reback to the Dick Tactic of "Let her talk, more than I talk." A typical womanhas already decided if a man is fuckable before the date. He's won based onlooking a certain way, having something going for himself financially, orhis sense of humor. This isn't a secret, it's known, and gives a guyconfidence. If he tries to hit that, she will let him, maybe not on the firstdate, but it's going to happen the next date because she's already sold. All aman has to do is make it around the final lap without crashing. Put yourselfin a man's shoes. All you have to do is hold serve with basic conversations,come off as mysterious as opposed to annoying or abrasive, and a womanwill sleep with you the first time you get her alone. Would you gamble onthat date by being yourself...or would you come in with jokes and levity asyou sit there and let the woman do all the talking? You would put on a masktoo, because why work for something that someone is going to give youbased on doing absolutely nothing?
Have you ever asked, "Why do men lie so much over nothing?" Thisis a part of that larger mentality. White lies don't hurt anyone and they getme what I want. He didn't tell you about his girlfriend, he didn't tell you hewas unemployed, he didn't tell you he still lived with his ex-girl; he didn'ttell you he doesn't actually want a relationship, etc. Although these men aregrown and shouldn't be afraid of scaring you off, they are controlled byhabit. Logic tells a man, "This woman doesn't know me from Paul, but shelikes me a lot anyway. Let me keep my mouth closed and collect what shewants to give me, because if I am forthcoming with the truth, my'complications' will come off as deal breakers." You, or someone youknow, have been in relationships that would have never been entered into ifthe whole truth was known from the first date. And that's the point, nomatter how many women say, "Tell me the truth, it won't change anything,"men know that's a lie. You would gather your shit and run if you knew whatwas in the mind of the average man that's sitting across from you.Let's pretend that you fell in love with the looks of a man that had agirl pregnant at the time you were first dating. He didn't tell you this andyou didn't think to ask anything that hinted at his past. After a few weeks,sex entered the picture, he knew how to lay pipe, and now you like himeven more. Next thing you know, he's calling you his girl, and although youdidn't agree to this, you love being called his girl, so you roll with it. Amonth later, you and Mr. Sexy still haven't talked about anything real interms of his past. Now you see him tagged on a Facebook picturecongratulating him on the birth of his first child. You don't want to be witha man who has a baby. You don't want to go down to the courthouse andstand with him as he demands a paternity test. You don't want to help himcover child support. You don't want to compete for attention with a womanthat you don't know. But you will, because that secret baby doesn't changethe fact that you've fallen in love. This is how a smart woman ends up thatdumb woman who is in a ratchet situation called: My boyfriend has anewborn but we're going to make it through this rough patch.
You must ask questions! Men are never going to be totally honest butthey will give you intel that you can continuously use to uncover him untilhe either opens up or gets caught in a lie. Do not buy into men only openingup to women they trust. That would mean you having to fly blindly into arelationship and then learn that he's not the man you thought he was. Fuckthat. You don't need to know his deepest fears or secrets, but you do need toknow the basics of his personality and where he's coming from emotionally.The truth is, most men will disappoint you with their back-story, their"representative" will be far more appealing, but you have to risk thatdisappointment. Too many women want the image to match up to thepersonality so bad that they avoid intrusive questions.
I asked a girl what her boyfriend did for a living, and she responded,"I don't really know, he works with his Uncle." What the fuck does thatmean? This is proof that certain women don't even want to know if he's apiece of shit or not. The reason why so many bad liars get deep in your lifeis that you fear finding out the truth, you push it off to the side, keep thingslight, and refuse to uncover a man's character during the dating stagebecause you don't want your questions to ruin him. If you ruin him, thenthat means you have to do the process all over again. You don't want to startover with a man that's not as cute or paid, so you allow this applicant to getthrough without being vetted.
Who is that man across the table from you? He's not the smile thatmakes you want to kiss him. He's not the arms that you imagine wrappedaround your body. He's not the watch on his wrist or car keys in his pocket.A man is defined by his conversation. For your date to sit there and not sayanything real, merely promotes the image that you like. That image is whatyou want, thus, you will reward him with pussy, time, and a relationship.Six months later you're in love with a man who was never who you thoughthe was and you're silently unhappy... This problem could have easily beenavoided in one fucking date if you did your job! A Spartan doesn't want aman to shut up and be perfect. A Spartan wants a man who shows her howimperfect he has been throughout his life so she can now determine if he'sperfect for her now. This is what Spartan dating is all about.
The questions that Cali asked are the most important part of the date, andgoing forward they become the foundation of the things you test himagainst over the following weeks to see if his story remains or changes.After a few weeks of not only asking questions but also observing a man'sactions, you should take all of his responses, and lay them out in your mindlike this:
"James is a mama's boy that comes off as a bit of a control freak but he is genuinely sweetwithout being a trick. He takes pride in his rela onship with his nephew and the way helooked at that baby in the stroller tells me he wants fatherhood. I assume that his father notbeing around has given him a complex where he wants to be the man of a house and rightthose wrongs. Looking at how his last rela onship ended I can tell that he's done playinggames and has matured to the point where he wants what I want. However, I can also tellthat James is afraid that I may be out to use him, based on the way he always ini atesques ons about how strongly I feel about him. He hasn't talked about being heartbrokenyet, but something definitely happened that hurt him, I will bring this up on our next date."
Any woman who has been on two dates should be able to read a manin this way. The scary part is that there are women in actual relationshipsthat can't even break down their boyfriends this good. I was emailing withone woman and she couldn't even answer simple questions about her man'spersonality other than what makes him mad, what makes him laugh, and themusic he loves. The reason why the mind of her man was a mystery, thereason why most of you reading this don't understand how men thinkbeyond, "they all want pussy," is that you don't interview these guysproperly! You go on a date with this mentality that if a man wants to sharehe will share, if he doesn't share then that's his business. No! If you aren'ttrying to know that man's business enough to understand his currentintentions, his past story, and his future plans then why date him?
Expose Him by Making Him Expose Himself
You get it now, you understand why questions are important and you'reready to get to the root of these men, no matter how much you like them...but you don't know what to ask. You fear going on a date and freezing up.Non-Spartan thoughts will start small then grow louder: What if that's toopersonal... What if that offends him... What if he thinks I'm weird for askingthat... What if I don't like his answer? Nothing is off limits to a Spartan, nojudgment is worth keeping your mouth closed, and no question is toopersonal. It is more important to prove him incompatible now withanswers you don't like than let him slide with lies you do. When awoman says she can't think of anything to ask, it means that she can't thinkof anything safe and neat to ask. Safe and neat are how typical women walkthrough life. You know exactly what you want to find out.
The exact questions you need to ask are similar to the ice-breakingexample. It's specific to your life and your personality. "What do I need toknow about a man to trust him," is what you should ask yourself before thedate, during the date, and after the date. I'm talking specifics. Women tellme generic shit like, "I want him to be loyal, honest, goal orientated, andGod fearing." None of that crap means anything. It's literally like saying Ilike my pizza hot. No shit, really? How do you know if he has been loyal?It's not as if you can't test it right now on a date. How do you get the sensethat he's mostly honest? Asking a liar to tell the truth about himself is likeasking a 5th grader to grade his own test. How do you know that he's goalorientated? Because dude went to school and has a job? His religious side,what's really there, besides the denomination he tells you? Only you knowwhat matters to you in terms of a partner's must-have qualities. Once again,truth will guide you, but I will frame it.
Let's say you want a man that you can trust around your girlfriends. A manwho is stable in his employment. A man who appreciates money but doesn'tobsess over it. You don't mind a working class man who doesn't earn a lot,but you want someone who won't hold you making more money than hedoes over your head. Finally, you want a man who is looking to start afamily sooner than later. You don't just go on a date knowing you want A,B, C, and D, and ask if he can be that. Humans don't respond to directness."Are you looking for something serious or nah?" Of course he is going tosay "yes" dumbass, you have a vagina that he wants to bust open. Using thisexample, let's break down question asking in a practical way. What willprove trust? What will prove that he wants a relationship? What proves thathe wants children? What proves that he isn't misogynistic? What provesthat he isn't a criminal? What proves that he won't be offended by a womanwith a good job and dreams? What proves that he isn't overly jealous?There is no magic question that will tell you that after a year, a man will fallout of love with you and choose another girl. Growing with a person in arelationship can lead to the development of all kinds of behavior that wasn'tthere prior. We will talk about relationship problems in the last part of thebook. This list isn't about predicting the future; it's about seeing the presentclearly in order to make the smart choice for a relationship that has afighting chance.
A Loyal Man = Old Him vs. New Him: If you want to learn about loyalty,you don't lead with, "Do you ever think it's right for a man to cheat, even ifhe's not being satisfied at home?" How do you think any man who wants tofuck you will respond? "Yeah, cheating doesn't mean anything it's just mydick in some random girl who I'll never see again. Who cares, right?" Menaren't that dumb or that honest when they are attempting to get somethingfrom a woman. If you want to know about loyalty a better line ofquestioning revolves around him "back in the day" or him as a friend. Forexample, ask him if he would ever cover for one of his boys who wascheating if he were also cool with the girlfriend. A man will answer thatquestion quickly and with emotion because he has a friend in mind who hewould ride for. Most men will ride for their brothers even if the girl he'scheating on is his own cousin because males truly do belong to a fraternityof loyalty. That's just the set-up. From there you can use the example of hisfriend cheating to ask indirect questions about his own thoughts on thesubject that won't make him seem like a villain.
In Cali's story, we saw her play Devil's Advocate, and now you cando the same thing. "If my brother wanted me to cover for him, I would, fuckthose hos." This gives him bait either to go with the typical male responseor to show you something deeper. A man may never go along with coveringfor someone because his dad cheated on his mother. He may have beencheated on, and while he may not confess this, his mentality may be "fuckanyone that cheats," because he knows personally how it hurts. Thoseresponses start to establish a morality based on something deeper than justsex being sex or a random opinion. If he uses words that point to himthinking about home and family being ruined or the personal pain, then heis a man who sees the bigger picture. That shows his loyalty. In the end, youwon't know if he will or won't down the line, but in terms of this pre-relationship, you do prove that two-timing isn't a part of his current nature.
A Secure Man = Bitter Test: This may be the easiest thing to exposebecause men don't hide resentment. When you are dating, you need apartner who isn't going to be intimidated by your Spartan nature. You makeyour own money, can pay your own bills, men love that part. However,when you are making more, have more, or come off as smarter than he is,that can cause drama. It's the 21st century but certain men still love to keepwomen down to make themselves feel bigger. Don't wait until he startsputting you down after you're together; poke him to see if he has that IkeTurner inside of him now. I watched a documentary on the Ku Klux Klan,and one historian noted that the poor whites were more driven by their ownlowly status than racism. They were failures and needed someone to be anoutlet for their self-hate. Men who are working dead-end jobs, who areconstantly trying to make it but face setbacks, or any man in a struggle thathe can't own up to will look to others to take his frustrations out on. On adate, bring up the subject of athletes making so much money, the 1%, eventhe Kardashians, then observe.
A normal person may joke about the success of others or have someanti-capitalist sentiments, but a bitter person will be venomous. If your dategoes on and on about how life is bullshit, that the system is rigged, thatunrelated things are holding him back, then that exposes his "I deserve whateveryone else has," pessimism not an "I'm still going to do me," optimism.A man that feels like life is keeping him down will never progress in a realway. Therefore, if you were to become a couple and he sees that you areprogressing in this "rigged system," you expose him as a fraud. He will nowbe forced to find other reasons for your success. You're a woman so you getbreaks, you probably flirt, etc...or he may work to bring you down to hislevel, saying that you work too much and can't spend time with him, that ifyou want a family you're going to need to switch careers, etc... Miseryloves company, so on the first date check to see how miserable this man is.
A Man that is Ambitious = Resting or Climbing: Another easy feelerquestion is about ambition. A driven man isn't one that says, "I work twojobs and I go to school." I know guys that have been working on Associatesfor years and work two jobs because they drag their feet. There are peoplewho aren't doing anything real with their lives but love the protection ofsaying, "I'm working on a degree." What degree are they working towards,and how long have they been in school? A problem that pops up later in therelationship is you bankrolling his lifestyle while this fool is still workingon a degree. Unlike X-Box live bums, these men are actually doingsomething constructive, but they're not able to be a true partner. He'sworking on passing the bar, fails, has to take it again, meanwhile, you lookat your account and realize that you've sponsored a guy who may nevereven become an attorney. It may not be his intention to make you a SugarMamma, but that doesn't make it right. In the old world, this is honorable,he's going to pay it back, and love you forever. Ha! I actually see the falloutfrom those relationships. Women resent taking care of men. Men resentbeing taken care of. The moment he does finish up school and land a job,the damage to his ego is so irreversible that there is no way the couple staystogether. Your Spartan name isn't Sallie Mae. Before you take on a projectunder the assumption that you're building him up for your joined future,understand that appreciation, reciprocation, nor marriage is promised.Another area to touch on is his actual career. Asking positions, notjust assuming, is easy yet it gets skipped over. "He has a Benz so he's doingsomething right." Wrong! I know three guys with Mercedes who don'twork... but they do get pussy. Don't let the smokescreen of what he'sdriving or where he works stand as proof of hustle. What does he actuallydo, how long has he been doing it, and where is it going? You can ask thoseeasy questions on the phone. The date is where you delve deeper into trueambition beyond just a work position. "Where do you see yourself in fiveyears?" What kind of 17-year-old, smoking a blunt in the basement,question is that to ask a grown man? The reason women ask that densequestion is because it's safe and sounds deep. That shit is about as deep as aNun's vagina. If you want to measure a man's ambition, ask him somethingoutside the box about life-goals and see if he inspires you. The mostimportant part of finding a partner, and not just finding a dick, is how theygrow you in return. No matter if you're a college student reading this or awoman in her 40's that's established in her career, the man you date shouldgive you the feeling that he can upgrade your ambition. Is this man abouthis money? About his success? About his legacy? You don't get that withjust one answer; you feel that passion and drive throughout his conversationas if it's a 2008 Obama speech.
"Do you believe in the idea of having seven streams of income? Ihave this friend that swears by it, he's even selling weave out of his car."You don't want someone who just agrees with a concept, you want to seehis own fire and take on that subject. "That's cool, but I believe that successis a result of being passionate about something and waking up and doingthat each day. How many passions to have is up to that person, but life isn'ta Flea Market money grab, I'm here to leave a mark and that's why I'mgoing back to get my masters right now." That answer versus, "Fuck yeah,I'll go back to selling white tees to get this bread," shows the difference inlife philosophy. It's not about right versus wrong, it's about which manmatches up with your worldview. Some men are Steve Jobs visionaries,who take action and don't just dream, others are Dame Dash, finger inevery pie types while others could be Better Call Sal, get paid by any meansnecessary hustlers. Know what you want, because if you go in there like, "Ijust want a man who works," you're selling yourself short.
An Honest Man = Open Book: You don't have to think about the truth, sowhy would any man hesitate for more than a few "how do I frame this"moments? Random questions, in general, catch a man off guard. Would youhave sex on the first date? What complexion would you want your child tobe? Have you ever seen a ghost? Would you let a girl eat your ass? What doyou think we should do with homeless people? What's the craziest thing agirl ever did for you? What's the most you ever spent on an ex? How manygirls you think still owe you sex? What do you think of Ray Rice's side ofthe story? How would you react if a black dude in a hoody were walkingtowards you? You can literally come up with all kinds of random things thatget a man's mind working, but doesn't really tell you much about him. Thekey is to follow up with questions that actually matter to you. The baitquestions open it up to deep conversations.
What was this man's life like growing up? You can't ask him to giveyou a David Copperfield novel, and expect to learn about his life in a realway. You need to see his thoughts, and then find out what shaped histhoughts. When's the last time you heard something in church thatresonated with you? That's deeper than, "So when's the last time you wentto church." From a real question, you get a real answer. From a real answer,you can then follow up on the specifics and put a person on a path ofcontinued honesty. People have stories that they are willing to share, butthey won't volunteer them. Be the one that gets them to turn the page.
A Man Who Is a Narcissist = Rants on His Own: You don't even have toask questions to tell if a man is a narcissist because he won't shut up abouthimself, the things he's done, and the people he knows, all in a pompousway. General conversation about music, TV, the waiters serving you, or theguy passing you the popcorn can expose a man's nasty and obnoxiousattitude. If you are dealing with some elitist asshole that thinks he's betterthan people his lack of, "thank you," to people serving him or his rants onthe low paying jobs people do to pay their bills, easily expose his jerknature. One of the biggest myths is that men with money are going to beassholes, so deal with it. Money has nothing to do with manners andhumility, being abrasive comes from a dark place, and isn't the simple resultof wealth or power. Stories about how many girls are after him, or how hehas his choice of females, are also signs of insecure men trying to puffthemselves up. Remember, true greatness doesn't need to pat itself on theback. You don't have to spend much time trying to expose this mentalitybecause any question will reveal how much a man is in love with himself.
A Man Who Is Looking for a Relationship = Time: A man that's lookingfor a relationship is like Big Foot, I've never seen it. Men don't openly huntfor girlfriends, and if they do, they have esteem issues. Think about thoseguys who offered to be your man, to marry you, or who chased you afteronly knowing you for a short time; they didn't get you because they cameoff as thirsty. These men have holes they are looking for you to fill, and itwon't take long to realize that they want you for all the wrong reasons.Typicals miss these signs, they see a man's affection as his truth, and nevercheck to see what's under the hood. This is why we have so many false-start relationships, long engagements that end without marriage, and evenmarriages that end in separation or divorce within the first year. Be veryafraid of any man that wants to settle down too fast. You won't see a well-adjusted man out at the bar with the mission to find that perfect woman withwhom he can settle down and put his last name on. This is what basicbitches hope for because they don't know how men think. "Don't you wantto leave these hos alone and find a good woman that will hold you downand have your back?" Fuck no! That Game Changer is welcomed, but she isnot someone a man is chasing at night. Men and women aren't wired thesame in this regard. Males aren't on a shot clock. Males don't put pressureon themselves to get married before they start to wrinkle. It's not a part ofthe majority mind frame. Men expect love to happen because they know intheir heart that the right woman will make herself known by being differentfrom the birds he's currently chasing. A man's want for a real partner, astrong woman, is there below the surface, and that's where you need to dig.So what do you ask exactly, because you can't be wasting your timewith a person who is five years away from wanting to be married? This isthe Catch-22; you don't have to ask a man if he's ready for love, he willshow you by falling in love with you. In the coming days, he will clearlyreact to the things, you've done so far and you will either see a change inhim or he will remain unimpressed. By dating like a Spartan, you fulfill hisprophecy of, "I'll know that she's special because she will be special." Eachone of these steps works at revealing a man. Everything that Cali did on herfirst date works at seducing a man. While you are worried aboutinterviewing, that man won't be sitting there, he will be internalizing yourmoves. He's not used to this, and genuine men, the one's you want, will beimpressed.
By dating in a proactive way that forces a man to be honest, open, andtreat you with value, you will separate yourself from the pack. Otherwomen are not doing these things on dates, they aren't doing what you'reabout to do on the phone between dates, they aren't setting rules while alsoseducing dicks, they aren't being disciplined in a way that comes off asrespect not teasing, and they aren't being a true shoulder a man can lean on.You are in the process of Spartan-Whipping this man. The question of if heis looking for a relationship will be clear in about 12 days, maybe less ifyou do these steps properly. A man may not be looking to settle down, buthe will have no choice when presented with a Unicorn.