The day after the first date is when most women give control back to theman. It's easy to feel powerful when you don't know a man and you canobjectify him as just another guy trying to make your team. To actually goout and have not just a good time, but an excellent time will leave youthirsting for more "him." The day after the date, for typical women, is filledwith nerves fueled by the unknown. Will he text or call? Will he ask me outagain immediately or will he wait? How long should I wait to reach out ifhe doesn't call first? Is reaching out to thank him for the date again doingtoo much if I did it last night? Should I add him on social media? Should Iaccept his request on social media? The list goes on and on until your mindis a conflicting mess of weak bitch thoughts. Now is not the time to unravel.You are still in control, and you have to continue to flex those muscles andnot revert to the regular habits of regular women. Did he enjoy your date?Who gives a fuck, you enjoyed it, and now you have to be sure if this issomething real or just a good first interview. Once again, remind yourselfthat this process isn't about hopping on a man's dick and praying that helikes you. He has no choice but to like you. You are a walking masterpiecewho he just shared the same air with, who he just exposed his soul to, andwho sent him home with a hard dick and a smile. You controlled the firstdate by being smart, and now I'm going to show you how to continue thiswinning streak. Know that the other women he's dating don't have theconfidence or the playbook you have, therefore, between dates, there isnothing to fear and nothing holding you back from this Spartan takeover.

The Reach Out

Cali is off the next day, so she doesn't have the distraction of work to keepher mind off Stephen. She's talking to a few other men, but Stephen isalready showing her things that they aren't. Cali isn't sure if this is the newdick effect or because Stephen was really that interesting, but she's notabout to rest on her laurels. One date doesn't make her feelings authentic.She knows a little about Stephen, but now it's time to see how he doeswhen he's off the clock. Post-date attention, how he fits her into hisschedule, and further conversation are needed before the next date. Howcan any man hope to become your boyfriend if he doesn't have time totalk, has to split his attention or majority of time with work or hobbies,or isn't able to recreate that same good conversation from the firstdate? Cali has been with men who make a good showing, and then begin toact inconsistently. She needs to know Stephen isn't cut from that same clothas the fuck boys. Stephen had to go to work, but he knows Cali is off, thatmeans the ball is in Stephen's court to reach out.

Cali figures that she should hear something by his lunch break, butisn't being rigid in her mind. If Stephen texts while he's at Starbucks at 8am, cool, but she won't respond back until she's genuinely up. If he callswhen he first gets to his office, again that's sweet, but she probably won'tanswer until she's done her morning routine. Cali isn't hard up to talk toStephen, she likes him, but this isn't the first new dick she's been around.Cali knows how to curtail her interests and show Stephen that she's still theprize to be chased, not a girl that's open off his attention or a bored Basicathat waits by her phone hoping it vibrates. If Stephen doesn't text or callthroughout the day Cali isn't going to react like some pride filled girl, "If hewas interested he should have hit me up, fuck him, he wasn't even all thatanyway." That's petty bitterness, and that behavior has no place in the mindof a Spartan. If Stephen goes the entire day without once checking in onher, she will take matters into her own hand and reach out around 8 pm.Being offended by a lack of communication is jumping the gun.

Stephen could be busy at work, have other life issues pop up, or maybe he'sthe type of person that always waits until after he's off to be social. Calidoesn't know the heart of this man, all she knows is that he showed that hehad a good character during their time together last night. Based on thatdate alone, Cali is willing to give Stephen the benefit of the doubt, even ifhe doesn't reach out first. If he isn't interested, she's smart enough to pickup on the vibe during a real conversation. She's not going to let somethingas small as not calling or texting first, influence her mind and create afeeling of rejection that isn't there.

Stephen contacts Cali around noon with a text asking her if she's stillalive. Cali isn't going to be dismissive of his texts the same way she was onDay 0; he's earned text convo because she knows she can get phone callsfrom him whenever she wants. The two text back and forth about lastnight's date, dropping inside jokes, flirting, and teasing each other aboutgeneric things. Stephen asks if Cali is busy tonight. He would love to seeher after he gets off...smh, men are so predictable. Cali isn't surprised orflattered like a typical bird who isn't used to male thirst. Stephen wants tosee her again within 24 hours because she's a bad bitch with a new vagina.Most women would jump at a chance to spend time with a man she likes,but Cali is smarter than that. She declines Stephen's offer, claiming she hassome stuff she's going to be doing around her house. Stephen wants tocome over and help her...again a man that got a whiff of Spartan magicwon't let go. Cali thanks him, but says she has it covered. However, shedoes say that she expects a call once he's home or she's going to assume hejust moved on to the next girl with his date invite. Checkmate!Stephen has no power in this situation. As a man, he wants to see herbecause he wants to take it to the next level, now that he can't see herphysically he has to take what she's giving, conversation. His hormones areon fire, but Cali controls how fast they move. If Stephen is only after pussy,then he doesn't want to be stuck on the phone. He could use that time to goout with another female friend. Cali is testing Stephen, is he the type of manthat only wants to see her in person because he thinks that after the first datehe may get some, or is he really interested in continuing to talk and learnmore about her life? Stephen says he will call and that he's not asking anyother girl out on a date. Cali responds back with one of her prettiest selfiesand a kiss emoji. All women should have a default, "I'm pretty as hell,"picture (not a nude) on their phones to break out for a new man. Send himsomething that wasn't posted to Instagram or any other social media,because if a man happens to follow your page and sees it, he'll just think,"This ho is for everybody." Cali sends an exclusive picture she's beensitting on, a small reward for Stephen reaching out first.

The aim for the pre-date was specific: Let him know you are a Dater,not a Come Over & Chill or Phone Bone type of girl. The aim for the datewas specific: Who is this man beyond the bullshit mask men wear and do Ilike him? You set your goal and achieved your goal. It would make zerosense to slip into this "it's whatever" attitude now that he made it past thefirst date stage. What I've noticed in the advice I've given over the years isthat I will find a woman who is a great student in terms of the pre-dategame. She will pull men as if it's nothing, get dates, and have a great firstdate, only to say, "I've won, now let me do everything wrong!"Those relationships where you start to text all day or talk all night arenot the prize. You will fall into being lazy and stop researching hischaracter. By next weekend, he's over at your crib with a bottle of Ciroc,and your legs are open because you feel as if you did all the work that wasrequired to be smart. Negative! The work has just started. A second dateisn't guaranteed yet; Stephen still has to keep climbing. Cali has to be surethat Stephen actually has time to be something more than casual; that thepersonality displayed on the date is actually who he is even when they arenot face to face, and finally that she isn't made to compete for his time.Things like, "Does he think I'm Wifey or Pussy," doesn't concern Cali,she's a fucking Spartan she knows she's not Pussy and hasn't been so for avery long time. If Stephen is playing a good game to fuck, it will be obviousover this next week. Pussy hunters aren't good liars and are alwaysimpatient. There will be points on the phone where Stephen tries her, butmen are supposed to try for sex, it's how you gauge their attraction level.Cali won't deduct points for Stephen trying to lure her over to his crib orget her out again because he's merely a dog sniffing, she has the leash andcontrols where this walk is headed.

The Long Phone Conversation

The day after a first date shouldn't be used to take a break and go withoutcontact. Unless you are going out of town or he is indisposed of for a goodreason, you have to keep the momentum going while he's in his feelings.Let me explain something about men to those of you that think males arehard or unemotional. The way you like a boy and it makes your heart race, aman feels that, double. Emotionally and sexually, a man is just as open aftera first date as a woman is, if not more. He wants to talk to you and he wantsto fuck you. So not only is his heart making him feel soft, his dick is drivinghim crazy to see you. That's why men tend to be aggressive in the 48 hoursfollowing a date, he's trying to get you back in the web. This is your chanceto exploit those feelings on the phone.

The following day or night, whenever is a good time for both of youto talk, you must get on the phone and let it all hangout. If a guy wants tosteadily text, do what Cali did, redirect it after a bit too, "let's continue thislater on the phone," don't get caught up in texting being good enough.Some of you are younger and you are more comfortable texting thanactually talking. I told you from the start that these steps require two things:Confidence and the ability to open your damn mouth. Set a time for him tocall you or for you to call him and follow this blueprint...Cali gets a call while she's online shopping and talking to one of herfriends on the phone. She clicks over and greets Stephen with a warm hello,then tells him to hold on. Cali could have left her bff on hold, thenapologized later. She could have clicked back rapidly like an excited schoolgirl, "Oh my god, girl, it's HIM, call you back," without leaving himwaiting for more than five seconds. Cali sees being on another call as anopportunity to establish that she has a life outside of talking to Stephen.Knowing Stephen will be forced to wait, and think about this, Cali takes hertime. "Damn, she's talking to other people?" Is what a man will think whileon hold. He will assume it's another girl, but male paranoia will also thinkit's another man. Putting a man on hold, as normal as it seems, is a small actof power. A man can't think he's your only source of conversation. Feelingas if all you have is him would make a man too comfortable, and there willnever be any pressure to win your exclusivity if his feet are up.Cali clicks back over and apologizes, without saying whom she wastalking to, be it man or woman. Mystery casts doubt. Instead, she fires offan apology for not being able to hang out. Stephen is cool with it and saysthat they should get together again soon. Cali agrees, then changes thesubject to his day, "Did anything exciting happen today that made you wantto stay in Accounts for life?" Cali, like on the date, brings it back toStephen's life, and in this moment, she becomes his shoulder to lean on. Ifthe day went bad, and he had an asshole client, he'll share that and Cali willdig to see what exactly the client did, which allows Stephen to vent. Ventingis wonderful because it is a stream of consciousness where you allowsomeone to just let loose while you listen. If Stephen had a good day, hewon't really want to talk in depth about work. Topics are like Yelp reviews;people rarely want to go in unless it's negative. Cali will take this time onthe phone to open up a little more about herself as well. The first dateinterview is over, so like at the end of their date, she can see if herpersonality clicks with this man by sharing things that she did that day andget into other topics of personal passion.

The goal is for this to be a marathon session. The longer you stay onthe phone with a person the more at ease you are and the deeper you getinto what makes them tick. Think of each hour as a layer. The first hour isjoking and laughing. The second hour usually breaks down into history andstories of things a person does. The third hour forward delves into opinions,ideas, dreams, and even frustrations about life in general. Your aim isn't tojump from small talk to big talk because you think that a Spartan only needsto hear about important or deep things. Calm the fuck down and relax. Thisis your game, no need to rush. Let the conversation flow naturally, and ifyou are doing your job well, you will notice layers beginning to peel back.I was once on the phone with a girl and it started with chitchatsubjects, transitioned to a vacation story, and then ended on the meaning oflife, literally. You can't start a conversation with the meaning of life if youget my drift. The conversation has to mature as each one of you becomemore and more comfortable. When you feel that he's most comfortable, askany question that you forgot to ask on the date or that you have been curiousabout since the date. By the third hour, he's hypnotized, and you have a freeticket to get him to be honest about any subject. Use it!Cali and Stephen will stay on the phone for four hours. Cali will haveto stop and eat something, but she's going to take Stephen with her. Stephenmight have to answer an email for work, and he's going to take Cali withhim. If Stephen has to take another call, Cali won't be like, "Alright call melater," if it's only been an hour. She will be like, "I'll wait for you, baby," toshow that she's enjoying him. Again, pride can't get in the way ofconnection. This little girl attitude about being put on hold or someonesaying they have to call you right back is ashy. You don't get your way withattitude; you get your way by showing a man that you're down to ride.Every man you meet will have had long phone conversations with variouswomen. Your mission is to go left where other girls have gone right.Stephen has to go to the door and let his neighbor borrow his garage opener.The phone remains on his ear, but Stephen isn't talking. Suddenly Calihears a female's voice. Loud, giggling, "I'm surprised you're home Mr.Popular," Cali assumes this is the neighbor Stephen mentioned. Stephenchitchats but does the garage opener exchange without needless talk.Stephen is nervous. When he comes back to the phone and says, "hello,sorry about that," Cali could be like "Who was that bitch?" or she couldtake a passive aggressive attitude and mumble something about him being"Mr. Popular" in his building. This is the moment of truth. Cali doesn't getprotective and angry; Stephen isn't her man. Cali doesn't get passiveaggressive or become quiet, she isn't insecure. Cali simply laughs, sayingthe neighbor sounded annoying. This is true, and Stephen confirms it. Allgirls know what loud and obnoxious women sound like. All girls knowwhat a sexy voice on another female sounds like. Cali is going to be honestabout her observation because this is going to show Stephen a part of herpersonality. She doesn't compete. If the girl sounded sultry, Cali wouldhave replied, "I bet she looks like sex." The point is, there is no fear interms of other women. Stephen is used to girls overreacting, and for himand Cali to now joke about his annoying neighbor is night and day from theother women who would call him rude or catch an attitude. Cali went left!Four and a half hours into their call, Stephen's voice is tiring. Caliisn't going to pout to keep him longer. Her goal has been reached. Othergirls would be like, "ten more minutes," or fake as if they don't care, "Goahead, bye." A man will notice tone and vibe. Cali isn't going to be aspoiled brat that doesn't understand that he has to go to sleep nor is shegoing to be a rejected bitch who is being pushed off the phone. She blowsStephen a kiss and tells him she will talk to him later, maybe says one lastwitty comment or joke, and leaves it on a high note just like the date.In the end, Cali knows several things about Stephen from theirmarathon phone call. What they talked about isn't important. Being on thephone for that long as a man proves that you interested him. As statedbefore, men love to talk about subjects they feel they are masters of orsubjects which they are emotionally connected. The reason basic womencan't get a man to call or stay on the phone is because what they have to sayis lame or repetitive. Cali mastered the art of, "tell me stuff," which willalways have men running off at the mouth. At the same time, she knows thesecret art form of "shut the fuck up," so even when the conversation comesto her, she doesn't run on about her life. She makes her point and throws theball back to him. Although Cali is willing to open up more, that doesn'tmean she's now telling him everything. Questions about exes, enemies,childhood trauma, that stuff still isn't touched. Emotional discipline iswithholding personal parts of your past despite being on a long phoneconversation, master it. The more you tell a man, the more you trust a man,and when you develop trust too fast you will get burnt!Outside of the fact that she is easy to talk to from Stephen's POV,Cali also learned that Stephen has time for her. Time is extremelyimportant. There will come a point if you continue to date where you haveto ask yourself if a man has time for a girlfriend. No man is too busy forpussy, but some are too busy for a relationship. He can get away to spendthe night, but he can't get away to actually be there to spend quality timewith you. He can get away for a morning quickie before work, but hedoesn't want to be bothered hearing you out for a few hours if you're goingthrough a rough day. "Too busy," has become an easy excuse for men whodon't want to deal with certain girls they don't really like. Other times youcan look at a man's daily life, be it school or work, and say, "Wow he barelyhas time to date me, no way is he going to have time to be my man." Beinga good man doesn't make him the right man. Compatibility is key, if youcan't match schedules, then that's a man you have to walk away from. As aSpartan, you need a partner who can split focus and give you what youdeserve, not just weekends or every other Thursday. This early in arelationship, the week following the first date, you must observe if it islogical to keep dating a man who can't get on the phone for a few hours anight but has time to meet up for an attempt at sex. You need a man whoproves that he can and will make time, that shows attention to the details ofyour life, and who will be there to talk for at least one hour out of his dayconsistently. If he can't pull himself away from his schedule because hefeels too busy or overwhelmed, how is he going to pull himself away tobuild a real relationship with you going forward? Cali researched Stephen'slife in terms of time with this conversation. Now she knows that they havechemistry even when not face-to-face. Check! Cali knows Stephen has timefor a girlfriend because he's opening his nights up to her for both a date andnow for a long conversation. Check! Now it's time for the next mission.

Fit into His Day

It's a thin line between being annoying and being desired. Too much ofanything has the potential to become a bad thing, so there is no need to texta man every morning telling him how you hope that he has a good day orkeep in constant contact with him throughout that day. Cali likes Stephenmore than she should after one date, and she realizes that, but she won'tallow her feelings to turn her into some weak bitch, thirsty to showerattention on a man she just met. The next morning she's back at work andsends a picture of her Starbucks order with Stephen's name spelled wrong.It's a teasing joke that is actually interesting, not a dry ass, "Good morning,have a great one!" Men do appreciate the sentiment of being hit up, it'ssweet, but after two days it becomes routine. In reality, it doesn't endearyou to a man in the same way a guy sending a good morning text or a wake-up call would earn brownie points with a typical female. The majority ofwomen get off on feeling as if they are wanted or knowing that someone isout there thinking about them. Men prefer fun to sentiment. Cali knows this,thus a joke picture that proves she's thinking about him, but also teases himand allows for a witty comeback, wins. It's not the action it's the creativity.Men want fun, not sappy and boring.

Cali's next mission is to stay on Stephen's mind but not in anannoying way where he would feel as if he needs to talk to her all the timeor respond back to all of her texts. This man is working, he's on ESPNlooking up stories about his team, he's fucking around with his boys onsocial media, and maybe he's even trying to make time for his other chickthat Cali will soon push out of the picture. If Cali were to bombard Stephenwith conversation all day, he would feel required to play along, not only tobe nice because he likes her, but because new pussy requires attention thatsome guys don't mind giving in order to get it. Just because Stephen wouldrespond back to her texts all day, doesn't mean she does it. Cali knows howStephen is thinking, she's a Spartan, and once again, she uses her innerknowledge of how men think to position herself as an even bigger object ofaffection. Every day until the next date, Cali will make sure to have somecontact with Stephen that shows that she's not too busy for him, but alsoshows that she's not a smothering kind of girl. At night, she can always call,but during the day how does a Spartan stay on a man's mind?The real life Cali (one of the girls that make up the examples I'musing) told me about how when her guy was at work she would do a TwoMinute Challenge. She called this guy and he had one minute to sayeverything he was thinking and she had another minute to say what she wasthinking, then they would hang up, and not talk until later on. It was a sillyand entertaining thing to do that bonded them as if they were teenagers, nottwo adults because as she put it, "We lose our goofiness when we first startdating because everyone is so scared." I thought that was a great example offitting into someone's day with creativity.

Another example was The Email Chain. Cali would see an onlinestory that was interesting, for example, there was a story where an Asianwoman got so much plastic surgery that she looked like a completely newperson...until she had a child with her new husband who was confused as towhy his child would come out, "ugly." This man successfully sued his wifefor misleading him with her surgical looks. Cali sent this story to herStephen and they emailed their comments on it back between each other. Itwas just a silly article but it allowed them both to express their views and tointeract throughout the day, without the "what are you doing boo" pressurethat comes with being overly romantic.

You can use a quick call, you can text Memes, you can do the emailchain; it doesn't matter so long as you aren't sending emails that run longerthan a paragraph, texts that won't stop, or constantly calling him with, "I'mbored, what are you up to?" Don't be an annoying bird. The goal is toembed yourself in a man's life so he gets used to you in a way that'saddictive. Give him something to look forward to when you call him thatnight; don't burn him out by being in his face all day. Fitting into his day ina low-key yet fun way makes him comfortable fast. This isn't about "get inwhere you fit in" submission; this is about being a shot of heroin with yourpersonality. If you do this step, then you master how to make a man likeyou way more than you like him in a relatively short time.

The Decline

Cali is tripping with Stephen during her workday, and talking to himat night. It's been three days since their date and she does want to see himagain, but she's not ready to pull the trigger. During the conversations,Stephen asks if she wants to meet for lunch since they don't work too farfrom one another. He just wants to look at her. This is another mistakewomen make, "the quick hello" where a man is either in the area or near theoffice and wants to come and give her a hug or even bring a gift. Cali isalways in control, and she will only see Stephen under her rules, even if hergrowing feelings are telling her, "bitch let him drive you home, that's bae."Cali declines, saying that she will let him know when a good day opens upfor him to come by the office. This upsets Stephen, but the thing about menis that it is okay to piss them off; they bark but rarely bite. A man has tolearn early, before the actual relationship, that he can't have his way withyou. Highlight that, because at this point in the process, you will be in lust,and you will want to cave and see him. There will be time for that whenhe's your man. For now, you have to show him who's on the throne. Thisserves as another test for Stephen. If he's upset that Cali refuses to hang outafter only three or four days, will he react like a brat or will he keep trying?So many basic bitches swear by, "you have to work for this," but the guysthey date don't do anything but order them around, and they end up givingin any way. Remember, it's okay to say "no" to a man.

Cali knows that this is a handsome man that earns good money, andhe's charming, therefore, other women are going to be after him. Otherwomen are also texting or calling him. Despite Stephen saying he doesn'thave anyone serious, any smart woman can look at a man and see that hismarket value points to him having, at least, one girl on his roster. Caliunderstands Stephen's market value, yet she doesn't bow down and giveinto seeing him. His ass has to work for the Queen, regardless. If Stephengets frustrated and decides he doesn't want to talk to Cali after that, good.He's been exposed as a control freak or pussy hunter, and it will save Calithe pain of finding this out a month in. If Stephen starts ignoring Caliduring the day or being unavailable to talk at night because he's not gettinghis way, good. He's been exposed again. Furthermore, if Stephen brings upanything in an attempt to make Cali jealous, other women, his ex suddenlycalling him, etc., she will wash her hands. This is not about playing games,this is about establishing dominance over a man that proves that you aren'tbuilt like the rest of these peasants. Stephen, like most men, will keep tryingto win Cali over because Cali has done her job correctly. This isn't a cornywoman that's chasing him or a Cool Girl that lets him set the rules, she's astrong personality that isn't overly bitchy, who takes time out of her day tohit him up. All men respect that. Stephen knows he has something specialso he will wait for his Queen to give him the green light to take her outagain.

The Day Off

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. In a weak mind, absencemakes the heart panic due to the paranoia that a person is no longerinterested in you. Women and men both go through this and that's whereI'm going to focus. When I was dating the woman that would become mywife, I remember not being able to get in touch with her one evening. Ifigured she would return my message, but 11 pm rolled around and nocallback. Midnight no callback. I was up, mad as hell but it wasn't jealousanger, it was fear. Did I say something the day before to upset her? Did sheget what she wanted and was done with me? Those are weak thoughtscontrolled by the fear of losing something you want. Those emotions areoften credited to women because females are known to blow up a phone,send way too many texts, and then leave a voice message like, "If youdidn't want to deal with me you should have just said that, pussy!" Thisisn't some feminine hormone stereotype. The insanity that takes over afternot hearing from a person for a day points to a fear of rejection thateveryone has. No one wants to like someone and then have them suddenlyfallback without warning. As with my story, you understand that it worksboth ways, but most men suffer in silence as opposed to going overboardand calling repeatedly or making threats. Between the first and second date,after you build up a daily routine; take a break, so that he has time to missyou.

Cali had a nice hour-long conversation with Stephen the night beforewhere they had fun as always, but she got off the phone earlier than usualwith the excuse that she had to be into work earlier than normal. Not true,but Cali didn't want to fall into marathon conversations every night with aman that she knows she has to go on another date with. The next day Calipurposely blocks Stephen. She doesn't want to be tempted to see any textmessages or to answer any of his calls. She's going to be thinking of him ofcourse, but she needs to decompress, maybe show some love to another guyon her roster, and give Stephen time to miss what he has so he understandswhat the stakes are if he fucks this up. Cali doesn't unblock Stephen untilnight. She has a voicemail but doesn't even check it. She gets a text askingif everything is good, but she doesn't even respond back. Cali is playing agame, an unfair game, but this isn't about being "nice" and "fair" she has toprotect the only thing that matters, her heart. Cali texts Stephen in themorning with an apology and a picture of her blowing him a kiss. Yesterdaywas hell, and she didn't want to call and burden him with her work stress.Stephen doesn't believe the story, he's still mad, but Stephen has to buy thestory because he now knows that not having her to talk to and interact withwould be horrible so he has to swallow it.

"But what if he thinks I'm seeing another man?" Let me remind youthis is only dating, he is not your guy and it is good that he would think that,because it further proves that you are still a free agent that answers to noman. This sets the foundation that if he wants 24-7 access to you in thefuture it's on him to either earn the right to lock you down or deal with youdisappearing at times. You control his emotions; you don't bend to his!Stephen will not have beef because he still wants her, and men don't actpassive aggressive when there is still a prize to be won. A man that trulywants you will forgive and forget your day of absence just like I forgaveand forgot when I was finally contacted by my future wife after that daywas over. Dropping off the face of the earth will not damage things; it willmake him want you more. Now that Cali tested Stephen and trained him tounderstand what life would be like without her, it's time to give him anotherreward.

The Second Date Set Up

Similar to Ho Tactics, you have to set the second date yourself in terms ofwhere you want to go and how you want him to entertain you. This meansyou choose the activity, the place, and the day. This isn't about exposinghow much money he has, this is about exposing your lifestyle to see if hecan keep up. The first date was merely an interview; the second date is aday on the job to see if he fits into your world. Before we get to the actualdate, you have to complete the setup mission. So far, you've given himgood conversation, learned even more about his character, and given himglimpses of yours. You made yourself a part of his daily life, without beingannoying. You successfully trained this man to move at your pace bydeclining his offers of pop-up dates or spontaneous meet-ups. Finally, youshowed him that you don't need to talk to him every day, but he does. You,my Queen, are firmly in the driver's seat by this point.

Now it's time to research where you want to drive this manromantically. Do you want to go on another dinner date, this time at a moreexpensive place to show him that this is the way you expect to roll? Do youhit up a bowling alley and see how he reacts to your competitive side?Maybe you want to go to a stage show and dress up to see if he can hit theelegant switch. Maybe you want to go to a movie, grab a quick bite, andfuck him to get it out of the way, so sex isn't the elephant in the room goingforward...just testing. This is the second phase of your vetting process, thepart where you put his words into action. This means the second date willserve as a test to see if this man can be a real part of your life socially. Somewomen only live to hang with their boyfriends. They go where he wants togo, and becomes interested in what he's interested in because their ownpassions in life may seem foolish and she doesn't want to bore him. Thereare too many, "I don't care, what do you want to do, bae" girls and notenough grown women who step up and promote their interests in a real way.Being that Cool Girl that can watch the game, but doesn't understand it, orwho trails behind him to tacky restaurants when she prefers to fine dinebecause at least it's going somewhere, is pathetic. Women like that willforever remain boring Zombies with Pussies that find a man to love themfor what they do for him (not fall in love), pop out a few kids, but mostlikely she and her man will live a bland and unfulfilled existence. Never sellyour soul for dick. You must find someone that shares your joys or who isat the very least is open-minded enough to see new things through youreyes.

When you're dating, it's not about finding your place in a man's life;it's about him lining up with the things you love so you can share that.Being happy together isn't about having someone to come home to; it'sabout having someone to explore life with. I often talk to women who tellme that they want a man they can travel with, yet when it comes to normaldating are super basic in their wants. What's the point of traveling with aman if he can't event stand to do those things you enjoy doing locally? Youcan't jump to the fantasy and avoid the reality; you have to grow with aperson in order to achieve real unity. A man can't complete you if he isn'twilling to engage in your passions! The second date is no longer about him,you understand who he is, now he has to understand who you are.

A friend of mine had trouble finding someone local because he wasgay and not comfortable promoting that to strangers. He took to the internet,found a match, and thought his problem was solved because this man wasgreat on the phone. He would tell me how different this person was and howthey talked every day about wide-ranging topics. This was a long distancesituation, so I warned him to wait until they spent real time before he got hishopes up. No matter the orientation, men are men, and you never know aman's true nature until you drag him into a real world environment. In theircase, my friend was a movie buff, and going to the theater was somethinghe always did. When he flew up to see this new boo, that's where theywent. In public, he found out that the person he had fallen for on the phonewas not at all someone who meshed with him in the real world. He insultedthe ticket taker, made fun of the movie while in the theater, called peoplefat, and made racially insensitive remarks all in the span of two hours. Itblew my friend's mind because when they were closed up in the apartment,it was perfect. Like being on the phone, hanging out in closed quarterswill never uncover true character. Now that they were out living like realpeople, this guy's personality was fully exposed. My friend returned homeearlier than planned and the two never spoke again. The phone and thehouse are not what relationships are built on, the outside world is thebaptism that all potential couples need to go through if it is to work longerthan a few months.

Back to our girl, Cali, she has been impressed with Stephen, theymesh on the phone, but how does she know Stephen fits into her lifesocially? A Spartan's mind shifts from just another date, to "What date canI take him on to further test his compatibility?" Cali isn't a homebody, sheloves to go out in the city, and being a music lover her favorite pastime is tocheck out performances by indie artists. If a man is going to truly connectwith her, he will have to be willing to share in this experience. This is aperfect litmus test to see if a man can date outside of his comfort zone. Calihas to see if Stephen is perfect in private or perfect all the time.Cali asks Stephen to take her to a music show and sends him the linkto buy the tickets. Stephen isn't into alternative music, but he's into Cali, sohe agrees to take her out. The Second date is now set. We are passed thegetting to know you chitchat, the ice has been broken, and this date willnow match the more open and relaxed Stephen with the more informedCali. What happens on this date will determine if Stephen stays in Cali'sphonebook as a potential boyfriend, or is dismissed as just another cute guywho exposed himself as just another dick. Before we break down thesecond date, let's revisit all the ways you could ruin the post-date processby reverting to pre-Spartan habit.