One dollar confidence transforms "When will he make it official" into amillion dollar question. Legions of women are currently in situationshipswhere they are waiting for a man to lay claim and either ask for or confirmthat they have a monogamous relationship. Others are stuck in a post-dating/pre-commitment purgatory where they treat a man like a boyfriendand take on girlfriend duties, but if someone were to ask what was going onit would be met with a shoulder shrug. I don't know what we are, is thecommon answer. We're taking our time and seeing how it goes, is thedefensive answer. I'm ready but I'm waiting on him, is the truth. No matterhow much he treats you like you are his girlfriend, you are not his girlfrienduntil you both are in agreement. This need to be direct and straightforwardwith one another about what each person wants from the other is scary andhas created this gray area where fearful women sit on the bench waiting forconfirmation.
The longer you sit on the bench waiting for a man to decide, the morelikely it is that he's already decided--you aren't girlfriend material. Thelonger you sit on the bench, even if you pretend to still be "talking to otherguys" the more comfortable you get. In the end, you will feel as if being hispurgatory bae, is better than leaving him and starting back over dating anew guy you have to relearn and retest. That's the one-dollar confidencethat typical women have. They act passively and drop hints about wantingto be with a man, they may even ask "so where do you see this going," buttheir lack of self-esteem will keep them clinging on to this idea that it'sbetter to go with the flow of being unofficial but exclusive, than to rock theboat and get what she wants. Men don't lose in this game, if he wants to bewith you, but doesn't ask, he still gets your girlfriend experience--win. Ifhe doesn't want to be with you but doesn't say this, he still gets thegirlfriend benefits until a Game Changer appears--win. Alpha males don'tsuffer in silence when they want a woman exclusively, they speak up, andso should Spartans. These men may get shot down, but it doesn't matterbecause it's always better to confront this want than to wait on the "whatare we," bench hoping the relationship bus shows up.
Tina Typical would rather Google, "When will he make me hisgirlfriend," than directly ask a man who she talks to every day. Fear makescowards of women in relationships and slaves to signs. The reason womenGoogle for answers and ask for opinions on the male mind is because theydon't want to put their heart on the line by asking for a relationship only tobe rejected. Instead, they look for signs that friends, family, or the internetclaims that men show when they are falling in love. "If he likes me, he'sgoing to do XYZ, and then I can stop worrying because that mean he'sserious." This cowardly way of thinking must be eradicated. Spartansdon't ask for commitment, they field offers. This entire Date Like aSpartan, section has been about creating a brand that an intelligent manwould have to be blind not to buy into. If you went step by step from thePre-Date to the Roster Spot and finally to the point where you would havesex with him, that means he opened up and showed most of his true colorsand you have revealed the true power of your personality and character.This should only have taken six to ten weeks max, depending on yourschedule of dating and bonding. Which means that in less than 75 days, thisman should be Spartan whipped! The final step for any free agent isdeciding who to sign to, and that's what I mean by fielding an offer.Why do college athletes make millions before they even step into thepros, while others from that same school go work at Foot Locker whilestruggling to make the practice squad? Value based on past results andprojected potential. You are a Spartan, that makes you the top free agent inthe land, not some average bitch that has to wait around while a mandecides if you're good enough. In the past six weeks you proved your value,and more importantly, this man has proved to be someone you can win withfor years to go. That's how you decide if you become official.
Commitment should never be about if you like him a lot and he likesyou back, if you want to have sex and not feel guilty for doing so, or if hehappens to ask and you don't have anyone better, so you agree. That's basicsettling, not Spartan power. To get a relationship from you, the top freeagent in the world, means that this man has proven without a doubt that heis exceptional. He is King Arthur pulling Excalibur out of the stone. Andwhile this does not prove that he is worthy of marriage, it proves that he isworthy to share your power for now. You are a Goddess, that isn't ametaphor, you are a Goddess! Will this man fall short when he's actuallywith you or will he grow and solidify what he's shown during the datingstage? You will not know until you see him in action as your boyfriend.That means, that while the title and role of boyfriend may not be the sameas that of a husband, you must treat it with the same reverence. You havereached the end of the dating stage, this man has passed all tests, and allyour instincts are pointing to him being the one, so let's break down theDo's & Don'ts of transitioning into a relationship.
We Go Together
When we last left Spartan Cali and her man friend Stephen, they hadreached the roster level. Over the course of a month, Stephen proved to be aquick study in terms of how to treat a woman and proved that his charmwas authentic, not forged in an attempt to lure Cali into sex. He showed awant to be with her officially within the first few weeks, proving he wasdecisive and attentive to the fact that Cali is not the kind of girl you leaveout on the market. As important, Stephen flexed his King muscles by beinga man that doesn't bow down just to earn points. He's not afraid to say"No" and he doesn't agree with everything Cali says for the sake of keepingthings calm. This man is not a simp or pushover. What's taking Cali so longto agree to be his girlfriend? That's the same thing Stephen is wondering.Cali has a two-week plan to seal the deal and take Stephen on as herboyfriend. Similar to the way she visualized her pre-date conversation, Caliis going to use the one vision board that actually works--her mind. Withthis final game plan, she will lock Stephen in as either her next man or hernext blocked number.
Day 1 of 14: The Commitment Talk. Day 7: The Penis Test. Day 14:We Go Together. Life is never out of a Spartan's control, consciously Caliwants Stephen, but who knows what her subconscious true self wants.Instead of waiting for a sign, she decides to take the plunge, but not beforethose things are explored over the next two weeks. Does Stephenunderstand what being a boyfriend means on a deeper level? Is there truesexual chemistry beyond the flirting and lust? Will they both feel the sameabout each other after the post-sex cooling off period? Cali has to find thesethings out, and there is no tarot card, dream reading, daily horoscope, or anyindirect sign that will tell her these things. Cali is willing to put herself outthere to find out the truth, and she's confident that her universe will showher exactly what she needs to know: Is he truly boyfriend material?***********
Late night conversations reveal a person's soul. Add in the closeproximity of two bodies, and a man who trusts you will spill his truth likeWonder Woman's lasso. Cali goes over to Stephen's house for a date, this isthe second time she's been over, but it will be the first time she spends thenight. The cover of the date is a cook-off. In the days prior they've beenteasing each other about doing some Bobby Flay type cooking battle, andCali has gathered a simple recipe they will both try their hands at making tosee whose comes out better. Cali could do this at her place, but she knowsthat the line of conversation she plans will last into the early morning hours,so this is a good opportunity to sleep over and do the overnight test. Calidoesn't just pop up with a sleepover bag like some Basica that assumescoming over means staying over. She verbally tells Stephen when they setthis cooking date, "I'm going to bring my stuff to stay over unless you haveto be up early." Stephen did have to be up early, but he is so excited at theprospect of Cali finally staying the night that he doesn't mind leaving herunsupervised in his crib. Like the Spartan she is, Cali uses her mouth toestablish the rules of the night, there is no guessing or assuming.While cooking, Cali doesn't drop hints about how cooking is what heshould expect when they're together or ask dumb shit about if his ex-girlfriends have ever done this with him. She's not insecure, thus, insecurequestions don't slip from her lips. After dinner, they position themselves onthe couch to watch TV, but the TV will be watching them. Cali puts her feetin Stephen's lap and begins the first wave of contract negotiations..."Do you think we would make a great couple? Wait," she holds afinger up for emphasis, "I said great, not good, keep that in mind." Stephensmiles, he knows Cali at this point, she doesn't do one-word answers, so"Yeah," or "I think so," won't fly. "I know we will, there's nothing that Ican see that will point to us growing apart," he says, and before Cali canrespond in her typical forward manner, Stephen keeps going, "What do youthink? Would we be great?" Cali loved that Stephen said, "I know we will,"that sureness makes her kitty tingle, but she can't let him off the hook.Spartans don't answer questions that they asked first, ever, so she keeps himin the hot seat. "It's only been a month," Cali reminds him, "how do youknow that this honeymoon period won't wear off the moment we have sexor the day after our first dumb argument?" Stephen takes a second to think.Finally, he speaks, "I know that I love you, and that doesn't happen thisquick with a person like me. That's enough for me to try my best to make itwork no matter what we go through." Good answer.
At this point, Cali won't keep grilling him, no one wants to be madeout to be full of shit, so to keep asking "why this why that" will sound as ifCali has trust issues. Instead, Cali opens up to communicate her innerstruggle so Stephen knows she's not a typical scared girl unsure who tolove. "I'm not afraid to love you, baby, and I know this could be somethingspecial, but I want to see that we keep growing in this direction. I knowhow you date, I love how you date me, but I don't know how you are as aboyfriend," Stephen begins to talk because he needs to sell himself, but Caliuses her feet to dig into his chest and shut him down. Being playful yetstern she keeps going, "Hold on! What I expect in a boyfriend are dates likewe've been doing, fun outside stuff as well as fun indoors stuff like tonight.I also expect a man that takes the relationship seriously. I'm not talkingabout don't ever look at another girl's ass or having to show me off to yourfriends, I don't need that. This is about the role of being my man beingsomething that you take pride in and always want to make me happy."Stephen responds that it is the kind of boyfriend he will be and was, andgoes into his own story about how even with his exes he took the titleseriously.
Cali, as always, will listen, not to look for another chance to talk, butto learn more about his past. If Stephen brings up something generic like "Iwas the one that communicated first in my last relationship becausecommunication is important," Cali won't just eat it up, she will ask, "Giveme an example of where you were open and she wasn't." This conversationis about expectations. Cali wants to hear real relationship thoughts, not atheoretical, "If I was your man," dream selling.
The two will drink a little bit, but keep talking about this issue interms of the things they hated in past relationship, but also the things theyloved about their last relationships. People rarely say, "My ex was reallygood at this," because bitterness creates this tunnel vision of negativitywhen looking back. Cali will bring up that she enjoyed how an ex planned a"staycation" for their anniversary because he knew they couldn't leave thestate due to Cali's schedule. Stephen will internalize that as "Remember tospoil regardless," without Cali having to spell it out. Stephen will talk abouthow he had a great relationship with his last girlfriend's dad and he missedhim more than her. Cali doesn't have an active dad in her life, but she doeshave a great uncle who she knows Stephen would love. Again, this isn'tsomething she says, "oh I can do this," it's internalized as something thatshe should remember to do because he likes those things.
This is what communication is all about in terms of making sure aman and woman can mesh well as opposed to reacting to needs that pop up.Too many people enter relationships where they assume they can make eachother happy, but they never learn what makes their partner smile. Theyassume and adapt on the fly. This isn't a one-sided conversation whereyou make sure a man knows how to keep you happy. Can you do thesame for him? This will be a partnership where you have to be sure that youcan be a woman he feels understands and completes him, as opposed to onewith incompatibilities. Learning about a man's needs gives you directknowledge of what's to be expected as his girlfriend. A guy could be great,but needs too much attention or demands a woman be too much like amother or therapist. Talking openly about what you both see as must-havetraits, ensures that there are no personality surprises once you enter into aunion. Relationships are about moving in sync with one another, you learn aperson during dating so that you know their likes by the time it's official.The more Cali and Stephen talk about a potential relationship in a realway, the more comfortable they get with the subject. Commitment talks arerarely had unless it's "So what are we!?!" By pointing out the elephant inthe room, Cali takes "girlfriend" from a dirty word to one that seems likefun, but also carves out that it's not going to be just "dating with a title,"this is real commitment that will require consistency and maturity on hisend. A male's brain thinks that if she's bringing up titles and what to expectas her man, it means she wants that ASAP. Stephen doesn't want to offendCali by switching topics to who really killed who on some Netflix series, sohe goes for the score.
"We established we would make a good--no, a great couple, sowhat's the holdup?" Cali smiles, she scoots over to him and lays in his lap."You tell me?" She's playing her hard to get games now. Stephen lights up,"You! I've been ready." Cali could take that and run with it, there is noreason not to as he's passed all the tests. However, she's still on herschedule, she's going to spend the night, she's going to fuck him next week,and then she's going to see if it's still all good. "I like making you wait; itturns me on," Is Cali's dodgy answer and to stroke his ego, she follows thisteasing statement up with a kiss. Stephen is on her string. He used the L-word in a natural way that wasn't forced and is continuing to show hisvulnerability, not tell. His heart is in her hands, and it feels good.By the next week, things have continued as normal, Stephen's jokedabout the boyfriend stuff, but he hasn't been pushy. The night they spenttogether was nice. Stephen, of course, tried to move his hands down below,but Cali checked him. There were no late night or early morning texts orcalls from other women. Stephen even made breakfast before having to goand left Cali with a key to his place. This is the sign of a man who's focusedon one woman. He didn't have to say it, Cali saw it. To be sure, Cali didanother sleepover a few days later, this time leaving her toothbrush in hisbathroom... a nice bright Nicki Minaj style pink one that tells his otherbitches that the Queen has landed. As far as Cali's other men, she didn't goon any dates this week, she's had conversations, but even the guy who wasonce in front of Stephen on the roster doesn't seem as great these days.Stephen's about to win, so it's time for the Penis Test.
You may not need a penis test. Don't feel as if sex is a mandatory partof the boyfriend decision if sex isn't a part of your life. Cali has her ownrules for love that other women may not share, but her needs must be met.Maybe testing out the equipment isn't important to you, but Cali wentthrough a boyfriend who was a three pump Paulie, back when she wasNicole, and there is no way she's going to spend her prime years fakingcontent while only being able to achieve orgasms on her own. She couldwait until Stephen is her boyfriend to test it, but what sense does that makeif good sex is important to her happiness? Fall in love with an untestedpenis, then have to learn the angles to make a semi-hard dick hit the rightspots to get her off consistently? Not in Sparta. Cali doesn't need a certainsize but she does need a certain effort because she fucks like a champ, not acontender. Unlike the sleepover date, Cali doesn't need to say, "Ay, we'refucking Friday, have condoms and whip cream." The spontaneity of sex isfun. Why spoil it with an announcement? However, she will drop hints byengaging in the one thing she has yet to do--phone sex.
To this point phone sex, Skype sex, Facetime sex, sexting, have allbeen off limits. Sure, there may have been a few nasty lines or jokes aboutsex, but it was contained. Understand what phone sex really is, it's the actof bringing you or the person at the other end of the device, to a climax bypainting a vivid picture of what you would do to them. Sex itself is a mentalexperience, simply moaning the right way is enough to make a man's dickbegin to leak pre-ejaculate. Men are easy to get off if you aren't afraid toput on a performance or too shy to say something utterly filthy.
Nevertheless, phone sex isn't a one-way street when using it as a pre-sexwarm up. Can this man make you dripping wet? Again, it's all mental, awoman's inability to cum is due to the physical and mental stimulation notmatching up. A shy mind may hold back, but a man should know thecombination to open you up. Cali will test Stephen's ability as a warm-upfor their showdown. Breaking into phone sex is as simple as the ways Icovered in Solving Single, no need for any big build up, there is never awrong time so long as the both of you are alone in a private place. Latenight, when you're both in bed, is ideal, so let's pick it up there. Cali transitions from the day in the life talk they were having, andtells Stephen that he should be over there to feel how soft her new pantiesare. Men are simple, any talk about what you are wearing gets them perkedup. Stephen wants her to Facetime him the underwear. Cali wants to keepthis verbal control, so she responds, "I would, but I'm in the process oftaking them off." Stephen will try to play it cool, but like most men his witwill leave him once his dick begins to grow. "Oh really..." He asks. "Yesreally," Cali purrs, "are you jealous of my comforter?" Stephen is beinglead to take the bait, but he's built up enough respect, that he won't blurtout, "Fuck, I want to put this dick so deep in you that it bruises your soul."Phone sex is a gradual build from nice to nasty over the course of about tento twenty minutes. Cali leads him to drop his gentleman act and play along."How hard is it? Take it out for me," will take the conversation to a newlevel. "Can I taste it, daddy..." will take the conversation to the point of noreturn. The goal isn't to cum. In reality, Cali doesn't have to actually touchherself or play it out on her end. She's merely seeing how freaky Stephencan get, so that when they do have sex for the first time it won't be anyawkward nerves. No matter how long you date someone, if you don't crossthat filth line before that first sex session, the odds are that without alcohola man that's built up so much respect for you may not put in his best work.Phone sex takes away performance anxiety, and that's what Cali is doing.She's training him to be a freak with her, not a gentleman who handles herpussy with kid gloves.
Time Spent Creatively.
Shared World Companionship
Those are the three things we went over last chapter that you need tosee before determining if a man is worthy of sex. Stephen has passed allthose previous tests, and has just lost his phone sex virginity, so it's time todo the deed. Stephen wants to know if Cali wants to go out with a fewfriends for Karaoke, Cali only wants to rock one mic. She has a better idea,why don't they get a room at a hotel downtown and make a night of it, it'llbe something different. Stephen isn't dumb, hotel = sex to any man.Stephen is down, and Cali tells him to find one with a nice restaurant theycan eat and drink at aka don't Holiday Inn me, motherfucker. The date isset, Stephen doesn't know it's a sex date, but he's praying it is. Once again,Spartan Cali is in control of this man's mind and she's about to blow it.The day after sex shouldn't be awkward, it should be comfortable.What routinely happens is that people over think the situation and speculateabout what's in their partner's head. For men it's about performance, washe weak or did he leave his mark? For women, it isn't about performance asmuch as what happens next. "Does he think I'm going to want arelationship? Does this mean we're in a relationship? Is he going to stopcalling as much because he got what he wanted...is he going to start callingmore because he thinks I'm now a fuck buddy?" When people get paranoidabout what sex means, they stop communicating, and that awkwardnesscreates a divide. No one wants to call first or call too much, thus, a funrelationship falls apart due to miscommunication about the seriousness ofsex. In Cali's case, she is going to be forward...duh, Spartan.
The sex was great, they did it twice that night and once again in themorning, with Cali reaching the mountain top two out of three times. Shedoesn't lay on Stephen's chest and say, "Was it good?" she knows her throwgame was bomb. She doesn't change the subject to, "So what are you doingfor the rest of the day," as if this man is a stranger she should be shy around.He was just inside of her, they're as close as you can get. Why be timid?Cali does what she's done since day one, asks a question, "Are you sad, thatI test drove you before making you my boyfriend?" Stephen doesn't knowif it's a joke or serious. What Cali did was objectify him as a piece of meat,while also bringing up the elephant in the room "the title" forcing him toreact. The words "making you my boyfriend," keeps the power with Cali.Stephen asks if she test drives all of her potential boyfriends. Men love toask about a woman's sex life, it's in the male DNA to compete. Calilightens the mood by jumping on him and joking, "worry about yourself,boyfriend in training!" They play wrestle around, and with the post-sex ice,now broken, they gather their things and leave the hotel. Cali may not evencall Stephen that night, he's not her man, and she likes taking breaks. ButStephen will call Cali because he is now hooked.
The final test is the week after sex. If Stephen has true desire, he isn'tgoing to call her to come over to fuck, he's going to call to see her--difference. Cali needs to see that level of continued respect and effort aftersex or Stephen reveals himself as non-boyfriend material. A man calling toget a rematch does not prove interest, a man calling to set up a real date,does. Stephen and Cali hang out without having sex and then have a moviedate a day later. Cali invites Stephen back to her place after the moviebecause today is "the day" and she wants to be on her home field. The two-week schedule is complete and now it's time to take what she wants.Over the course of the past six weeks, you witnessed a woman whoplayed by her rules without fear that the man she wanted would fall backbecause he couldn't get what he wanted or go find another woman whomoved at a faster pace. If you have the mind to comprehend what you arereading and lack fear, then you can pull this off in the same time frame! Theopen communication about "I want you, but on my terms, and it has nothingto do with me not trusting you," has created an environment of rewards.Every time Stephen acted like a man instead of an angry or temperamentallittle boy who didn't get his way, Cali has rewarded him. He dated her withrespect and tried to commit early, so he got the benefits of being on theteam and getting house dates. He still continued to date her and open up toher on a real level, without getting lazy, so he got the benefit of sleepovers.He didn't cry about not being together or pressure her for sex, so he got thebenefit of phone sex. He proved that he knows how to hit her spot mentally,so he got real sex. Is Stephen perfect? No, he gets on his soapbox aboutissues that Cali doesn't care about. He isn't as ambitious as he first seemed,but he does have above average drive to move up in life. He sometimesjokes too much, but Cali is sometimes too serious, so they balance eachother out. The thing that makes Stephen better than the other men on herroster is that he tries the hardest to win her over.
With those things in her head, she pulls Stephen down on her couch,and looks him in the eyes with the confidence of Cleopatra, but with aMona Lisa smile, and tells him, "I'm ready." This isn't a question, thisisn't a conversation, this is a statement that a Spartan makes when she'smade her choice. She is ready to grant him exclusivity and uses her wordsto say it clearly. What if Stephen says, "I think we need to keep building,"or "I'm not sure if I'm ready now." It means that none of the steps that Calidid were followed. A man will not reject a Spartan that has reached thislevel, ever! There is no "What If's" to be worried about, there is only thetruth that a Spartan who sinks her claws into a man this deep over this muchtime while dating in an exposing manner, always win. Men are not complexcreatures, and women aren't stupid, most relationships begin the wrong wayor never begin at all because despite how confused a girl pretends to be, sheknows if a man wants her or not. The little tricks men do to act as if they areputting in work, or falling for you, those things are transparent. Dating likea Spartan strips away the lies you tell yourself. You will see clearly after thefirst date if he's on 10 or on 7 in terms of how he likes you. By the seconddate, it solidifies your first date intuition. A man does not make it to the WeGo Together stage without you feeling, seeing, and experiencing this man'sobsession with you. I repeat, you always win.